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Airbnb capitalizes on climate change

Daniel Kessler

It turns out that some people actually believed the egghead scientists that used to spout off about climate change and other mystic nonsense. While the classic spring break locales such as Mexico, Florida and Puerto Rico no longer support any form of life, entrepreneurs have capitalized on the increasingly tropical climates of what were once dead and barren wastelands.

 

Brian Chesky, the psychic CEO of Airbnb, has taken advantage of the emergence of new vacation spots. Many criticized Chesky’s decision to add homes in remote locations—such as the peak of Mount Everest and deep into Siberia—to the Airbnb network. Chesky was branded a lunatic when he no longer allowed locations 500 feet or nearer to sea level. Now, while his critics drown in their once beachside homes, Chesky drowns in 100 dollar bills.

 

For example, Chesky foresaw the miraculous improvement in Cleveland. Once only habitable by the most hardened of Eskimos, Cleveland now boasts a tropical climate rivaling pre-apocalypse Hawaii. This previously inhospitable city is now home palm trees, expansive white sand beaches and majestic volcanic activity. Now Airbnb touts Cleveland as the go-to spring break vacation spot in the post-apocalypse U.S.

 

For those looking for more exotic international travel, look no further than Mount Everest. Thanks to a fortunate case of the sea level rising, Airbnb offers cruises to Mount Everest. Furthermore, they even offer cozy housing options at sea-level. These mountainside villas have all the amenities you may need. Fully furnished with much needed air conditioning and pools, these houses have the perfect location—along the shore for the traditional ocean getaway, yet only a brisk 10 minute hike to the peak, leaving enough time to update a snap story and get back in time for breakfast.

 

With regard to the future, Airbnb has an aggressive and risky business model. The Airbnb psychics on retainer claim the planet Earth will no longer support terrestrial life in 20 years. While other companies lament their ignorance, Airbnb has other plans. They realize revenue from other humans will dwindle, so instead they will begin marketing towards extraterrestrial life.

 

Their deep space radio boasts the new climate of earth with the hope of enticing alien species to visit for vacations. Additionally, Airbnb has partnered with SpaceX to create residential plots on more inviting celestial bodies, including Mars, Venus, the Moon and Ceres. Given the state of the Earth, terrestrial vacations will be as obsolete as print newspapers.

 

Airbnb’s progressive market plan has paid off; people have booked a record number of vacations through Airbnb in the wake of climate change. For those investing for the future, invest in Airbnb: the last bastion of human vacation.

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