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Alien Invaders Unable to Understand Tinkham Veale’s Interactive Screen

Adithi Iyengar

There is finally proof that the video game in the entrance of the Tinkham Veale University Center can’t be played.

Earlier in the semester, highly intelligent alien invaders arrived by UFO and landed directly on top of Tink. “It was one of the most spectacular things I’ve seen,” said a worker of the Cool Beanz coffee shop. “The aliens were obviously very intelligent because they knew how to come to our university all the way from their home planet.”

In effort to understand human behavior, the aliens approached the largest thing on campus: the screen in Tink. For a period of 12 hours, expert alien mathematicians, software engineers, and game designers struggled to figure out how to play the game, even while using extremely complicated technical equipment including an abacus and a Rubik’s cube.

While they looked quite different from humans, with their green skin and insect-like eyes, they still wore the same lab coats that human scientists wore.

“They chatted amongst themselves fervently in their weird languages. There was a lot of head banging and screeching. We could tell they were quite frustrated with this, and it got scary,” said a fellow student in Tink.

Some got so frustrated that they ended up abducting some of the students. Luckily, administration was able to buy the students back by providing the aliens with free grilled cheese sandwiches from Melt University.

In the end, it was deduced that the video game was officially unsolvable, and, to everyone’s despair, even the most intelligent beings in the universe couldn’t play it. However, the good news is that the aliens were so delirious after hours of mental labor that they decided to leave without destroying the building.

Fortunately, the beautiful student center that we affectionately call “Tink” still stands, but is still haunted by the enigmatic game that not a single intelligent being can solve.

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