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An Open Letter to the Loading Bar

Dear Loading Bar,

I am just not sure that what you are doing is right for the world anymore. Your intentions seem pure. It really does look like you are trying to help.

For as long as people have been completing tasks we have wondered how long tasks are going to take. From your humble beginnings in scheduling charts to your near-ubiquitous use in all forms of digital communication, you have been attempting to help us all answer the question: Exactly how much time is remaining?

When you first invaded everyone’s lives it was because you seemingly made everything better. People seemed happier to know that something was happening. I think that is no longer the case.

Sometimes I am just going about my day and everything is hunky-dory when out of nowhere you show up and—with all of your suspiciously excited behavior—attempt to tell me just how long the next thing will take. You don’t even ask me if I want to wait that long, but what’s worse is that you lie to me about how long it will take. Sometimes you tell me it will takes months or even years and then out of nowhere everything is finished. Other times you confidently report that I should not, in fact, get up and get the fourth cup of coffee, and I sit there for 10 minutes before you even budge an inch.

The worst part is how clingy you are. Every time I think I can just walk away and come back later and you’ll be done messing around. But no. You insist on never moving unless I am sitting there. Haven’t you ever heard a watched pot never boils? You’re supposed to be better when I’m not looking.

Sure, sometimes you clean up nice with all your skins, patterns and fancy animations, but it is all just dressing on a bed of lies. I humbly request that you stop with all the illusions. If you’re not sure just say so. None of this increasing estimated time remaining nonsense. Just give me the worst case scenario.

Estimated length of letter remaining: Nine words.

See, how hard was that?

Sincerely,

Impatient Internet User

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