11111 Euclid Avenue, Cleveland OH 44106

Apocalypse happens, Case Bubble shelters students

Courtesy of Case Western Reserve University

Oksinav Aizatasan

The Case Bubble is well known for its ability to keep Case Western Reserve University students from knowing that Cleveland consists of more than Uptown, Little Italy and hospitals. Lesser known is its ability to hide current events from the students it encloses.

As a result, when the apocalypse occurred, it went unnoticed by CWRU students. Even though the Yellowstone Caldera has erupted and clouds of ash have since settled over Cleveland, many students continue to believe that the city is experiencing just another string of gray and cloudy winter days. Growing piles of ash have been attributed to lake effect.

There were many signs of the impending apocalyptic super-eruption, but, again, these went unnoticed by CWRU students. Security alerts increased, students were walking around without winter coats in January, both the Greek Week and Athenian themes was announced as “Brunch” and, most alarmingly, Cleveland transit ran on time. While the rest of the city’s residents recognized this unprecedented convenience as a sign of fast-approaching calamity, CWRU students were thrilled that they finally could count on the Healthline to transport them from Constantino’s bus stop to the Thwing Center bus stop when they felt too lazy to walk.

Cleveland transit has continued to run on time despite the increasing amounts of volcanic ash.

Fourth-year student Alexis Jameson said of this unnerving effect of the apocalypse, “Senior year, and I can finally say I’ve used my RTA pass.”

The university, in an effort to keep everything as normal as possible for any student that may have heard inklings about Yellowstone’s eruption, sent out a university-wide email assuring students that they are continuing to investigate the “strange occurrences we’ve noticed outside the Bubble.”

The email promised students that the university would look into the implications of a “possible apocalypse” on the CWRU campus, while also advising that no one travel outside the Bubble. In the meantime, there is now a webpage, case.edu/stay-in-the-bubble, which “the university will update regularly with campus and national news relating to the so-called apocalypse.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *