CLEVELAND, OH-As the holiday season approaches, 21 year-old Case Western Reserve University junior Thomas Anderson told reporters Tuesday that he is slowly beginning to realize that he does not know his family well enough to buy them good Christmas gifts.
Anderson, who doesn’t even have that big of a family, as it only consists of his parents Oliver and Patricia, and his 16 year-old sister, Jessica, says that he’s really stumped in what presents to buy this year.
“I might be able to get them a movie or something, my normal buy is whatever I can find at Walmart or Target that they have some slight interest in” Thomas said. “I think that Jessica likes horses. I hope that she’s still in that phase. Maybe a Barbie Doll will do?”
(The Athenian’s investigative reporting team found that Jessica moved out of that phase three and a half years ago and experiences intense embarrassment whenever someone mentions it.)
Anderson has called home only twice this semester, and despite being home all summer, feels like he isn’t really close to his family anymore. This is depite the fact that he was out partying with friends from home most days of the week.
“You know, I just think I’ve moved into that stage of life where things like presents seem important; my friends are my family now anyway,” Anderson emphasized.
Anderson’s parents are covering all of his $40,000 a year college tuition.
As of press time, Anderson decided that he would indeed order a horse poster off Amazon for his sister Jessica. He is also thinking about buying a “decent-smelling” scented candle for his mom, and a “#1 Dad” hat for his father.