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Unconventional Method Used to Appoint New COC 2019 President

Steve Kerby After the recent impeachment of the President of the Class Officer Collective Class of 2019, attempts to appoint a new interim president stalled repeatedly. The remaining COC 2019 exec members planned a secret meeting in the basement of Wade Commons. However, undercover protesters hiding in trash cans broke […]


Letter to the Editor: A response to your critique of campus doors

Dear Editor, In a recent issue of the Athenian, your esteemed editor, Paul Palumbo, wrote about doors. In this atrocious opinion piece, he argued that “all the doors on campus [are] so ridiculous”. This is frankly a completely unforgivable position, one that had no place being published in your magazine. […]


CWRU releases Rate My Student

Statistics professors shares thoughts on the site Jess Chalas Q: Today, we’re interviewing Professor Jared Ashby of the Statistics Department, Case Western Reserve University’s most avid user of RateMyStudents.com. So, tell us Professor Ashby, how are you finding the website? A: Oh, it’s a wonderful tool. I can’t tell you […]


New bus driver takes Greenie in a new direction

Staff Reporter Cleveland native and Dunkin’ Donuts gold star loyalty member Mike Holliday was recently hired by the Case Western Reserve University Police as the new part-time Greenie driver. Since his appointment, Holliday has taken the Greenie in a radically new direction. What once was a six-stop bus route is […]


Greenie hits pedestrian, driver lauded

Leticia Dornfeld At approximately 9:30 p.m. on Friday, March 24, a person was running across Juniper Road towards the Residence Halls when he was suddenly hit from his right by a Greenie. The driver was travelling down the road at the speed limit and didn’t spot the pedestrian in time […]


Psychologists unveil a new personality type in-between A and B

Erin Hartmann NEW YORK—After years of studying the collegiate population across America, psychologist Jeff Garcia of New York University and his team have found that labeling people as personality type A or personality type B is no longer sufficient to describe the characters found in everyday life. As a result, […]

CWRU police talk down student attempting to walk home alone

CLEVELAND—Police talked down a panicked student threatening to walk home alone from the Quad after 7 p.m. on April 12. Officers responded to a 911 call from the student’s suitemates, who stated that the unnamed second-year student had just finished up their late BIOL 216 lab. Their partner was absent […]


RHA Furniture Show Sells Out

By Alaina Lisanti Last Friday evening, students were spotted standing in line for hours outside the Tinkham Veale University Center Ballroom in anticipation of the Residence Hall Association’s (RHA) furniture show. Although Friday night is a difficult time to attract students to any event due campus over programming, the Furniture […]

Students missing furniture

Alaina Lisanti This past week, several students at Case Western Reserve University noted the same problem: various pieces of furniture were found missing from their suites. The students were quick to bring this up to their Residence Assistants and even sent maintenance requests for this problem, but the mystery of […]


Local student plans five minute block for joy

Paul Palumbo Case Western Reserve University student Craig Daniels has come up with an ingenious way to ensure he gets enough happiness and relaxation in his life: schedule it in and enforce it heavily. After a long semester of difficult classes and a busy schedule, Daniels has announced that he […]


Study: Correlation and causation are correlated

Jonathan Schaeffer A new study in the International Causative Journal (ICJ) found a direct correlation between correlation and causation. While the article has caused significant fervor in the scientific community, correlations have been drawn between correlations in the laboratory study and causality in the field. The study observed 10 participants […]

Cutouts of students in Tink

CWRU promotes (ink) diversity

Jeremy Wall Spring is in the air and here comes the sun, as well as thousands of high school students struggling to decide where they want to spend the rest of their lives. Case Western Reserve University has set aside specific days in the Spring to funnel all of the […]


CWRU’s new spam bot

Leticia Dornfeld Tapingo often plagues students with its incessant deals and coupons, but the service at least gives us food in return. Case Western Reserve University’s other spam bot, however, harangues students’ inboxes before they even finish orientation. At approximately 9:30 a.m. every weekday, a suspicious message arrives to all […]

CWRU prepares to switch to Bulletin

–Steve Kerby Though the era of Blackboard is drawing to a close, the future looks increasingly bright for course management. Recently gripped with confusion, the CWRU community of professors and students has strained their flexibility to the limits over the past year to cope with a staggering variety of online […]

Observer barred from attending White House press conference

By: Canderson Ooper WASHINGTON—The Observer was blocked on Tuesday from attending an off-camera White House press briefing that other reporters were hand-picked to attend. This move, a stunning continuation of the precedent set by the previous 44 presidents, has alarmed many in the collegiate newspaper business. Soon after Nov. 8, […]