Bregg-xit: Brunch votes to leave lunch

Paul Palumbo

After a surprising upset, Brunch has officially decided to end its involvement with Lunch. This shocking development came after months of Eggs and Bacon complaining that Lunch didn’t take their needs seriously enough. Ham and Apples tried their hardest to appease the fuming food, but there was no coming to an agreement. The partnership that is Brunch is coming to an end. Henceforth, the Bregg-xit will take place exactly one month from today.

What does this mean for Brunch? Brunch now has control of its timeframe, allowing it to be placed at any point between 6 a.m. and 11 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. It also regains control over what is and is not allowed on its plate. For years, Lunch has been forcing Brunch to put up with things like salads, which many believe have no place in Brunch. However this divide comes at a cost for Brunch, who has lost the right to include lunch-y things like steak. Many are happy that Brunch is once more in control of its own destiny, but others worry it could soon be overshadowed by the most important meal of all: Breakfast.

Lunch, meanwhile, lost much of the popularity it gained during the weekend. It’s true that Lunch is successful enough Monday through Friday, but the extra two days with Brunch proved to be the most requested form of Lunch. That being said, Lunch can now fully embrace the super-late risers. Before, people waking up at 2 or 3 p.m. missed out on Brunch, and had to wait for dinner for a proper meal. With Lunch no longer tied to Brunch on the weekends, it can set itself whenever it wants.

Many have asked whether a weekend Brunch with no lunch items and a timeframe between 6 a.m. and 11 a.m. is just “Breakfast on the Weekend.” These people are missing the point entirely. Brunch is a sacred agreement between Breakfast and Lunch to put aside their differences on the weekend and work together to make sure everybody gets a meal when they wake up, no matter how late they rise.

Yet with the Brunch Bregg-xit, many are worried about future meals splitting apart. Dessert has an agreement to come right after Dinner, but suddenly it may want its own time, dedicated solely to itself.

These are turbulent times for food fans everywhere. We’ll report when new developments arise.

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