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Issue 74

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Deities destroy CWRU Theology 101

Written by Kayla Devault  Students of CWRU’s new World Theology 101 class find themselves with an easier workload after a slew of angry gods destroyed their classroom. When Professor Harold Piper, atheist, felt that students needed a class to learn about the various religious god-figures of the world, he had […]

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Goldey Fries and the three ice creams

Written by Sarah Whelan Once upon a time, a harried and hungry Case Western Reserve University student attempted to retrieve sustenance from the lovable local Leutner. Rushing inside to shelter from the cold, she shook her long golden hair free of snow and looked for a place to defrost. The […]

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Urgot rerelease revealed

Ryan “Morello” Scott, head champion designer for the riotously popular game League of Legends, announced last week on the forums a complete overhaul of Urgot, the Headsman’s Pride, and released early splash art shown below. Instead of the hextech abomination of a distended general of Noxus, Urgot will now be […]

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Princess Pizza and the power of rap

XYZ News — Julia Bianco Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there was a princess named Princess Pizza. Princess Pizza lived in a castle with her three sisters, Princess Buttercup, Princess Rainbow and Princess Smiles. Princess Pizza did not lead a happy life. While all her […]

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The Beginning of it All

Trust Me, I’m A Scientist — Evan Martin Ah, the origin of life. One of the great mysteries of the universe that has confounded the greatest human minds for millennia. It’s a question that we all want to know the answer to, but likely never will. Thus, it’s no surprise […]

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CWRU president makes supernatural deal, unleashes demonic weather

Reported by Hallie Dolin Babs, according to a number of reputable sources, has really done it this time, and Armageddon may not be far away. Apparently, the three polar vortices that Ohio experienced starting in January are due not to global warming. Blame rests instead with a very quiet deal […]

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Norse religious groups increase due to “Thor”

Reported by  Marisa Neel Well, it’s Thors-day, time to get hammered… …down to the nitty gritty details of the religious revival that’s sweeping the nation. Norse religious groups have popped up up all over the world after the 2011 release of “Thor,” an action film which grossed over $638 million […]

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Interview with the coffee god

Behind every soy milk latte, cappuccino or mocha, one spirit resides to share the powers of alertness as the largest CWRU house on campus. This god knows that his caffeine power renders students completely under his control, but he has never truly revealed the extent of this capability, or his […]

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Olympian Olympics

Written by Anastazia Vanisko After the Sochi Olympics, there was a worldwide feeling of disappointment. As it turns out, that feeling was not limited to our realm. The Greek gods, disgusted by the many mishaps at this year’s event, decided to give the world a peek into what a real […]

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Letter from the Editor

The first book that I really remember reading as a child was a 200-something page book about mythology. It was way back in the third grade when death gods may as well have been the monster under your bed. That’s not to say that I didn’t read anything else until […]