11111 Euclid Avenue, Cleveland OH 44106

Issue 78

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5 Ways to Know Winter is Coming

Anne Nickoloff, Editor-in-Chief 5. Actually, the only cheer you have anymore is your morning Peppermint Latte, which now functions as a hand warmer on your way to class. 4. All that holiday fun you had growing up seems suddenly distanced, tantalizing you from the never ending tests and finals. 3. […]

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A Scary Story

Greg Ritchey WARNING: The following is based on a true story. Reader discretion is advised. It was just like any other Sunday night for me, beer in hand watching “Gilmore Girls” on Netflix. Yeah that’s right, “Gilmore Girls” is on Netflix now. You’re welcome. I stared out my foggy window […]

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SAGES: It Just Keeps Getting Better

Anastazia Vanisko For the aspiring Middle Ages scholar, Case Western Reserve University is broadening its SAGES selection. A new university seminar, USSY 20958AYX: The Good Old Days, will now be offered in Old English. Recognizing that Old English isn’t exactly common these days, the first month of this class will […]

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Caption This!

“Parking Meter feeling a little down, lately.” “I’m a little tipsy, so I’m going to Denny’s.” “This is why you don’t drink and walk.” “Area parking meter reaches for its dreams.” “Thanks Obama.” “Local parking meter vigilante photobombs yet another business shot.” “Yo momma’s so stupid she put a quarter […]

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Modern Fire Codes Prevent Art From Catching Fire When Searching For Meaning

Kushagra Gupta Did you know that, “the art gets what the art wants” was once a popular saying on campus? Until the Cleveland fire department campaigned against its usage, the phrase was engraved in the heart of every student, and it used to represent the ceaseless spontaneous combustion of art […]

A Building Not to be Forgotten

Nardine Taleb “Excuse me, do you know where Mather Memorial is?” “Mather Oreo?” “Excuse me, ma’am, do you happen to know where Mather Memorial is?” “Well. It should be on Mather Quad.” Oh. Really. “Hey, do you know where Mather Memorial is?” “Well, do you have five dollars?” Mather Memorial […]

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The Pipers’ Greatest Win: Remembering Cleveland Sports Heyday

JP O’Hagan Hey Cleveland. It is I, the honorable keeper of all things sports in this great(ish) city. I know I have been rather horrible to you over the past 50 years, but I promise that I have been working on something that will blow your minds! A LeBron championship? […]

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Area Student Slowly Realizing Quarter-Zip is Not Warm Enough for Cleveland Autumn

Canderson Ooper CLEVELAND, OH- Noting that the brisk Cleveland breeze is making him shiver, 18 year-old Case Western Reserve University freshman Eddie Evelton told reporters Monday that he isn’t sure his blue quarter-zip CWRU hoodie purchased from the university bookstore is warm enough to be his sole jacket this autumn. […]

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How To Tell You’re Getting Older

1. There are songs that you listen to just for reminiscent value. 2. It’s physically painful to stand up after a 50 minute lecture. 3. You just can’t metabolize certain things like you used to. (Sunday mornings are not appropriate for doing homework…) 4. You almost appreciate getting socks for […]

A Taste of TVUC: Restaurant Review

Anton Ego Running low on time before an important meeting with potential investors in my third start-up, I make a sharp turn off Euclid and quickly pull into the garage below the new Tinkham Veale University Center. Begrudgingly acknowledging the lack of valet service, I find a quiet spot in […]

KSL Exhibit CWRU Life in the Past: The Horse-Drawn Healthline

Canderson Ooper Officials from the Kelvin Smith Library announced that starting this week, KSL will open a new exhibit called “CWRU through the ages.” The display will look at CWRU’s entire illustrious 134 year existence, and will feature photographs and stories about how the university has changed over the last […]

Alien Invaders Unable to Understand Tinkham Veale’s Interactive Screen

Adithi Iyengar There is finally proof that the video game in the entrance of the Tinkham Veale University Center can’t be played. Earlier in the semester, highly intelligent alien invaders arrived by UFO and landed directly on top of Tink. “It was one of the most spectacular things I’ve seen,” […]

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The Athenian’s Tips for Aging Gracefully

Cloe de Plume As another school year continues in full swing, many people are anxious about growing older. Remember: You may not be able to stop the passage of time, but you can change how you feel about it. Here are some tips for staying vibrant and feeling great as […]

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Back in the Year 2014

Jessica Chalas Though my bones are brittle and my heart is cold, my mind is as sharp as a Spartan’s, courtesy of Case Western Reserve University. Ah, the olden days, the good times, the times when I could stomach five plates of food at Fribley and follow it up with […]