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Issue 81


Punny Crossword Puzzles Answers

Across 1. Nobell 5. Banana 8. Annal 9. Tooter 10. Unstep 11. Elder 14. Tiers 17. Bagel 19. Inverse 20. Baker 21. A tall 22. Imbiber 23. Poses 25. Salts 28. Messy 31. Innies 32. Animal 33. Hives 34. Sashay 35. Tannin Down 1. Nitwit 2. Boobee 3. Large 4. […]

Punny Crossword Puzzle

Julia Bianco Pun Master Across 1. The person who invented the door knock won a _______ prize. 5. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a _______. 8. A historian’s favorite sex position 9. For $10 an hour I’ll fart on your algebra book. Y? Not because mx+b, but […]

The dumbest word search around

Too dumb to do regular word searches? Try this one, you idiot. pumpernickle snorkel guava flabberghasted indubitably Kanye West quadricep thumb Yeezus moist Sham Wow wham Shake Weight llama yeast boysterus knickers belooga old entrusted alabaster cucumber armadillo ferocious weiner BBQ tuba slinky Beyonce Beck baloney tax evaysion clam willyt butt […]



Chrismaly Vidal Astrologist Aries (March 21-April 20) Happy Birthday since we’re in the month of April and all, but sadly, you probably won’t have a great birthday. It’s nothing personal, it’s just in the stars.   Taurus (April 21-May 20) You will be overcome by a terrible wave of regret […]


The Athenian’s honorable mentions: Ideas that didn’t quite make the cut

Annie Nickoloff Decider of Cuts Every month, all the minions at The Athenian meet to come up with ideas to provide you with the best content possible. During our brainstorming sessions, we have brilliant ideas come up that get turned into articles. We also have ideas that are pretty bad, that when somebody […]


Spartan Spotlight: CWRU Junior, Martin Egbert

Mel Sayre Old Head Honcho Everyone has different aspirations upon entering college. Some want to make it out alive, some want a kindred spirit on the lonely nights, some just want someone to cheat off of. Martin Egbert, however, is different. He has a simple goal: to be the best […]


Some white lies to sell the grey and blue

Rachel Payne Liar? Having effective tour guides is an essential asset to colleges, especially to Case Western Reserve.  A fantastic tour guide can lure hundreds of prospective students into becoming a future Spartan. This, given the recently increased tuition, results in even more monetary gains in the pockets of the […]


Care about these profound truths

Rachel Payne Truthsayer When I was about five years old I was obsessed with Barbie Dolls. I had a huge tub with more than 50 of them. I would brush their hair, pick out different outfits and have them drive around in the dream car. I spent too much time […]

Meet the opinionated staff

The Athenian Imposter Newspaper Annie Nickoloff, Editor-in-Chief: “Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he’s got… lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eye. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And […]


My very lazy Yik Yak opinions column

Julia Bianco Avid Netflix Watcher Since I was way too lazy to write my opinions column for this week, I figured I could just use a bunch of other people’s words to write it for me. Have you heard of this thing called Yik Yak? People just go on there […]


University Media Board: Ideas that could change the world – If anyone read them

Adithi Iyengar UMB Member One of the main goals of any University Media Board organization is to have students read or view their content. For quite a few semesters now, Ignite has been trying to get more views on its website. Initially, the movie website only had normal films that […]


Dear editor, Grievances for this issue of “The Observer”

So my typical morning starts out like this: I wake up after tossing around on my queen sized bed, still chuckling at the memory of my freshman self hopping off the twin-XL bed lofted so high that jumping off the bed was like taking a leap into the big blue […]


The Daily writers drop off the face of the earth

Anastazia Vanisko A “The Daily” Reader? Has your inbox been incredibly empty lately? Have you been missing a daily dose of spam? No? Well that’s incredibly awkward, considering Case Western Reserve University’s The Daily hasn’t sent out an email in two weeks. Luckily, a couple of avid readers took notice.  […]

Area man obsessed with Dick’s

Max Johnson Prefers Cabela’s Area man Peter Schlosser recently discovered local store Dick’s Sporting Goods, and is now obsessed. Schlosser is frequently sporting his new attire from Dick’s and stands proud everytime he wears it.   Offering a variety of products from athletic wear to athletic wear gift cards, Dick’s […]

McDonalds to open on CWRU campus

Sarah Whelan Prefers Burger King McDonald’s grand opening set a record high for cheeseburgers consumed on the Case Western Reserve University campus in one day. According to Guinness Book of World Records 21,243 cheeseburgers is the new record to beat; more than one and a half per person. The lines […]