Category:
Issue 83
Swimwear through history
Squirrels Illustrated
Annie Nickoloff, Editor-in-Chief
Bring Back Summer
Beth Magid
Netflix Withdrawal Disorder a serious issue for returning students
Julia Bianco Alex White is desperately trying to click to the next episode, but no matter how many times she jabs her finger down, nothing happens. She is on the … Read More “Netflix Withdrawal Disorder a serious issue for returning students”
Man receives email from Nigerian prince, turns out to be real
Sabanrab Bocaj Ralph Johnson, a Cleveland resident, recently received an email from a sender who identified himself as an imprisoned Nigerian prince with massive oil holdings in the Bight of … Read More “Man receives email from Nigerian prince, turns out to be real”
Shiz freshmen say
Jessica Chalas It’s a new year at CWRU. The birds are singing, the bees are buzzing, and the freshmen are talking. Listen closely as they… …Overestimate Their Abilities “I’m … Read More “Shiz freshmen say”
How to be funny
Lindsey Jacobs, Part-time McDonald’s employee Would you like to be a comedy writer? Of course you don’t! Here are some reasons why: You enjoy the prospect of making an actual … Read More “How to be funny”
Returning student claims again, “This will be the year!”
Mahima Devarajan Cleveland, OH— Peter Johnstol, rising junior at Case Western Reserve University, recently made the claim that “This will be the year!” Like several students his age, Johnson … Read More “Returning student claims again, “This will be the year!””
Local area man hasn’t looked up what Benghazi is yet, not about to start now
Tejas Joshi, Journalist (rated 4 stars on Yelp) San Diego— Citing the large number of office conversations, newspaper articles and television shows referencing Benghazi which he has already somehow missed, … Read More “Local area man hasn’t looked up what Benghazi is yet, not about to start now”
Examining CWRU’s tuition spending
Tejas Joshi, Award-winning statistician and clam-breeder The vast majority of students (see exceptions below) were upset last semester by Provost and Executive Vice President William A. “Bud” Baeslack III’s announcement … Read More “Examining CWRU’s tuition spending”
New names for Cleveland Indians leaked
Mike McKenna After experiencing protests against their name and incredibly racist mascot, Chief Wahoo, the Cleveland Indians have begun searching for new team image. In an exclusive report, The Athenian … Read More “New names for Cleveland Indians leaked”
Local man mistakes barista for someone who gives a damn
Sam Musilli Cleveland Heights— An inviting “good morning,” a smiley face sticker on her name badge and a generic inquiry with respect to his day are just a few of … Read More “Local man mistakes barista for someone who gives a damn”
Welcome, Freshmen!
Riddhi Patel Welcome all rising freshmen to Case Western Reserve University. You are the Class of 2019 and you all have accomplished many great feats besides picking a school in … Read More “Welcome, Freshmen!”
An open letter considering Pluto
Farah Rahman Dear Earth, To be honest, I’m confused. I’m really not sure where we stand. You’re hot then you’re cold (I prefer cold) and I’m constantly getting mixed signals … Read More “An open letter considering Pluto”