Issue 84
Cemetery
By: Two Fairly Bitter Cynics Cleveland Indians Mascot– Fondly remembered as a way for many middle-class white Americans to justify their racially charged attitudes. My ex-boyfriend– Here lies what I once thought was love, and the remains of a remarkably average penis. Spot Night– Will now be forgotten more than […]
Jack the Ripper found: turns out to be misunderstood Jack the Rapper
By: Paul Palumbo In what can only be described as the second most baffling legal case in the history of the judicial system, a man claiming to be possessed by the spirit of Jack the Rapper has filed a lawsuit against several prominent historians for libel. Jack claims that at […]
Blacklight reveals CWRU’s dirty secrets
By: Riddhi Patel This afternoon, Case Western Reserve University was given the opportunity to conduct an investigative project at some its most popular venues. A black light was used to inspect several on campus buildings and some shocking discoveries were made. First off, watch where you sleep, lay down or […]
Big foot found on campus
By: Adithi Iyengar Case Western Reserve University was put into a state of confusion when an extremely large foot was found on campus. A student walking to class in the early morning found the giant foot while passing the Tinkham Veale University Center (TVUC). At first the student was confused […]
Athenian Classifieds
By: Daniel Mottern Selling: Gold Chains: Used but in good condition, worn by Barbara Snyder at University Commencement and a Skrillex concert, $2,000. “Whistling Vivaldi” by Claude M. Steele, “Quiet” by Susan Cain, “The Boy who Harnessed the Wind” by William Kamkwamba and “Zoobiquity” by Barbara Natterson-Horowitz: All in perfect […]
Mystery message in shadow of statue out front of the Jolly Scholar
By: Caleb Diaz Gene Kangas’ “Snow Fence” statue, better known as “that statue outside of Jolly” is rumored to form the acronym CWRU in its shadow at some point during the year. However there are more theories surrounding the mysterious shadow from the statue. “If you look closely, you can […]
Fake Ad
Tony Zhang
Review of German 101
By: JP Peralta I sit down in a room in Sears to learn about the beautiful, soft sounds of the German language. I already learned many things about Germany during the summer I spent there. I am tingling with excitement to have a class where I can experience all the […]
Top 4 Hillary Clinton scandals
By: National Inquirer With the 2016 presidential race in full swing, candidates are campaigning across the country and, lucky us, we get to be in the swingiest states of them all: Ohio. Though CWRU might still be enamored with Hillary Clinton’s recent visit, many news media outlets have been obsessing […]
Quiz: Which political candidate are you?
By: Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley Take this quiz to figure out which political candidate you should vote for. That’s what this is about. (Assume for the purposes of this quiz that you have free will.) Do you like the U.S. government? It’s my life. All Hail Mother Russ…. I mean… USA! USA! […]
Analysis of Robert Zimmerman’s “Blowin’ in the Wind”
By: Raff Steporter Famed folk artist Robert “Bob Dylan” Zimmerman was known for his elaborate wordplay, whimsical imagery and often outlandish lyricism. Only later in his career have scholars discovered that his collective work is a cypher for an Objectivist, pro-capitalistic manifesto on scale with Ayn Rand’s masterwork, “Atlas Shrugged.” […]
CWRU students unable to understand class
By: Michael Codega A new report from first-year Case Western Reserve University students indicates that they have no idea what’s happening in class right now. Despite attending multiple lectures of the class, they feel the professor has not begun to shape the topic of conversation into something that can be related to the class’ title, much less […]
A study in calculus: Sherlock deductions aid students
By: Stephen Kerby Gone are the days of writing formulae on one’s arm or sneaking a roll of answers into the classroom inside a burrito. Now, students faced with near-impossible examinations are consulting the methods of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous detective, Sherlock Holmes, to aid them, with remarkable effects […]