Category:
Issue 85
Bon Appetit Fancy Menu
Barbra Snyder
Andrew Dupuis
Historians discover that Columbus was actually a good guy
Staff Reporter CLEVELAND, OH- High school teacher Sally Peterson told reporters yesterday that Christopher Columbus was not who they thought he was. Students from first grade through sixth grade are … Read More “Historians discover that Columbus was actually a good guy”
The New Residence Hall is Broken
Barnabas Brennan Disclaimer: I wanted to make up some amusing jokes, but most of this is really just what residents have shown me or told me about. In the spring, … Read More “The New Residence Hall is Broken”
Skype interview takes devastating turn for the worst
Anastazia Vanisko A Case Western Reserve University student was recently humiliated during a Skype interview with the company of his dreams when his interviewer asked him to stand during the … Read More “Skype interview takes devastating turn for the worst”
Case orders shipment of ivy to increase prestige
Eric Polhemus This last Monday, Case Western Reserve University received two tons of fully grown English ivy, which will be shipped and glued to the walls of numerous buildings across … Read More “Case orders shipment of ivy to increase prestige”
The Athenian’s Student Spotlight
Alaina Lisanti “When I was but a boy, in days of youth, My father brought me into London town To listen to a trav’ling music troupe. He inquired of me, … Read More “The Athenian’s Student Spotlight”
8 Things to Do for a Fancy Thanksgiving as a Poor College Student
Riddhi Patel College is tough, especially when you have to spend Thanksgiving away from home. Everyone in your family is most likely enjoying a scrumptious dinner that took several days … Read More “8 Things to Do for a Fancy Thanksgiving as a Poor College Student”
Urban Dictionary…For the fancy
Anne Nickoloff, Editor in Chief For fancy people, the world can be a frightening place. Words we are unaccustomed to can sound like a foreign language, and navigating the sidewalks of any … Read More “Urban Dictionary…For the fancy”
New campus transportation service launches
Paul Palumbo A new service has opened on Case Western Reserve University campus that is designed for students who are sick and tired of having to walk to class all … Read More “New campus transportation service launches”
Fanciest things at Case Western Reserve University
Mount McKinley
CaseCash funneled through offshore bank accounts
Michael Codega In shocking national news, Case Western Reserve University has come under investigation by the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) for high volume money laundering. There is also strong … Read More “CaseCash funneled through offshore bank accounts”
CWRU hosts 50th annual Alumni Donor Penis Size competition
Staff Reporter For the past 50 years, Case Western Reserve University has graciously hosted the Alumni Donor penis size competition, where the wealthy benefactors of our school donate ludicrous sums … Read More “CWRU hosts 50th annual Alumni Donor Penis Size competition”
Fourth graders outraged when they find out they don’t have to use cursive
Bhargavee Gnanasambandam A little hand moves slowly on the paper, etching each and every little part of the letter. A little bead of sweat drips slowly from his forehead. The … Read More “Fourth graders outraged when they find out they don’t have to use cursive”