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Issue 86


Bon Appétit buys Cleveland

Bhargavee G. Cleveland’s history was changed forever earlier this week as Case Western Reserve University’s catering company announced changes in their business plan. After months of negotiations, Bon Appétit put up a hefty and compelling offer to buy the city of Cleveland from the United States of America. Sources say […]

Brand Crossword Answers

Find the Puzzle Here Across beads art level banjo Walmart The Athenian dustmop intro Rolex toy yurts Down bobcat anniversary slow svelte alkalimeter tart tamale noyous dirt pixy

Brand Crossword

Julia Bianco Across 1. These crafty supplies are easily found in one of the many sections of our corporate overlord. 5. The logo of our corporate overlord is so beautiful it could be described as this. 7. You wish you could get on the __ of our corporate overlord. 8. […]

CWRU to offer premium degrees

Caleb Diaz-Spatharos Beginning fall of 2016, Case Western Reserve University will offer a “premium degree” sponsored by IBM. It is open to all majors. Students may supplement their B.A. or B.S. with a B.A.E.(Bachelor of Arts of Exploitation). Requirements for the B.A.E. include an additional $138.21 per credit hour (may […]


Apple to begin selling indulgences

Jessica Chalas First there was the Granny Smith apple, then the pineapple, followed by Snow White’s apple and the Big Apple, until finally, in our technologically advanced age, there was just…Apple. Each of the apples came, and though they never necessarily went, it can’t be said they made a substantial […]


The Athenian to change its name to Progressive First Quicken Energy Loans humor magazine

Sabanrab Bocaj In an attempt to secure funding for The Athenian’s otherwise budget-less ventures, the executive staff has agreed to accept corporate sponsorships. It is a rare opportunity that big business would offer to finance a student publication, but the Case Western Reserve University administration urged the staff to do […]