11111 Euclid Avenue, Cleveland OH 44106

Issue 87

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Cleveland Winters

      Anne Nickoloff

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Weird customs explained

Jessica Chalas Traffic Lights Back in the day, it was all about farming. From dawn ‘til dusk, all the boys and girls would plow, hoe and generally try not to step on budding crops. The children knew that their parents’ love measured up to how hard they worked on the […]

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Freaking hot supermodel realizes that love really is as easy as “123”

Mahima Devarajan Always under the impression that “ABC” by the Jackson 5 was just a catchy song, bikini model Vanessa Amber realized this was not the case, as she has met and loved four men in the past 13 days. The on-site Athenian reporters confirm that these men loved her […]

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Pre-med student shockingly discovered to be in the field for the right reasons

Staff Reporter CLEVELAND, OH- Adam Johnstol, 20, is an undergraduate student at Case Western Reserve University who is reported to be on the pre-medicine track. It was discovered just last week that he wants to be a physician for the right reasons. This shocked everyone at The Athenian, as the […]

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Feminism FTW: Man ignores woman’s obvious flaws on first date

Jejas Toshi Well this is seriously amazing! When Melissa Osten went on her first blind date, she knew that despite her nervousness she was having a good time. In fact, she was having a surprisingly good time and it took her a few minutes to realize what was so surprising […]

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A Semester of Historic Firsts, by President Barbara R. Snyder

Stephen Kerby Another semester is past, and once again the august institution that I have had the privilege of leading since 2007, Case Western Reserve University, has achieved several remarkable historic firsts in just the few months of classes since we welcomed the class of 2019 into our community.  I’d […]

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The U.S. in a year

Anastazia Vanisko As the 2016 election approaches, it’s time to consider our country’s possible futures. Perhaps we’ll have an alien whose wig hasn’t done much to disguise him, our first female president or maybe we’ll put a socialist in charge. There might even be a dark horse independent runner who […]

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First Lady to be removed for making nation healthy

Riddhi Patel First she made everyone feel the need to go to the gym to get arms as toned as hers and now she is even trying to control what people eat. Michelle Obama is on a power trip and she must be stopped. Some people are supportive and a […]

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Area man claims every speeding ticket that he gets is his first

cHARLES lI Letter to the Editor on Police Unfairness, The Police are so unfair!  I was late to an exam and went slightly over the speed limit [Editor’s note: He went 67 mph at a 45 mph road]. Guess what happened? The first time, ever, that I went over the […]