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Issue 90

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How American Are You?

Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley, Captain General ‘MERICA the Third Which Politician are you the most comfortable with? a.           b.           c.           d.           2. How artsy is this? a. It’s not just art… It’s […]

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Countries ranked by their “Americanness”

Eric Polhemus 10: Japan: Japan’s commitment to selling everything possible in a vending machine earns it a place on this list. 9: Iraq: Look, we’re trying, OK? 8: Mexico: Mexico should be somewhere on this list. Why not #8? 7: Sparta: “300” was a documentary, right? 6: Canada: Almost as […]

Editor’s Note

Dear readers, It’s been real. It’s been fun. So many feels, So many puns. This is an editor’s note, It’s where you say stuff About all the things you wrote, And how you were tough In the face of haters. But this is the last magazine So see ya, alligators. […]

Police brutality relieves national debt with jar fund

Oksinav Aizatsana As Cleveland and other cities across America see steadily increasing instances of police brutality, economists continue to search for a method to relieve the growing national debt. While these two problems are seemingly unrelated, economists recently discovered that police brutality might be the answer to the debt problem. […]

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Kardashians are true Americans

Riddhi Patel What do the 2016 election, Kourtney Kardashian and Andrew Cuomo visiting Cuba all have in common? They are all news headlines. When did American foreign policy and a family full of altercations become worthy of sharing space on the front page? Since the story of the Kardashian klan […]

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Midwesterner accidently holds door open for 13 hours

Paul Palumbo Holding the door open for people has always been a sign of good manners and class. Doing something so simple has always been an easy yet impactful way to make yourself a more elegant, considerate, and all-around pleasant person. Especially if you’re Jackson Stoicus, a CWRU student who […]

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Open letter to America from the rest of the world

Paul Palumbo Dear America, WHAT. THE. HELL. GUYS. What on earth is happening to your country? You guys used to be a driving force in the world, wowing everybody with your ingenuity and tenacity. Remember when Reagan was standing next to the Berlin Wall and was all like “Mr. Gorbachev, […]

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Trump hires rioters for more controversy

Daniel Mottern Amidst a slew of American flags, “Make America Great Again” hats, and angry conversations about immigrants, there seems to be a problem arising for Donald Trump supporters in the form of protesters. Trump himself has taken to Twitter to claim that Bernie Sanders has sent his supporters to […]