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Issue 91


CWRU Admits First Perfect Student

Aquene Kimmel Unlike most students who attend Case Western Reserve University, Perfect Student Elizabeth Park did not have to apply. After receiving acceptances from several of the world’s top universities, Park was at home baking pies to bring to her local homeless shelter when University President Barbara Snyder knocked on […]

Survey finds political science majors matter, politicians don’t care

Oksinav Aizatsana Members of the political science field fall into the minority of the population that believes there’s more to politics than theatrical yelling. Tired of facing discrimination for his alleged naiveté about how the world really works, a Cleveland pollster decided to ask the question, “Do political science majors […]


Top 10 places that are the friendliest to outsiders

Jolly Saperstein Running out of places to hang out? Tired of seeing the same old faces? Try any of these places and I promise you’ll be having a great time in 10 minutes or less. 12. An Art Museum Grab a beret, a box of wine and some big words, […]


The Case Western Reserve Newcomer’s Glossary

Letty Dorndfeld Club KSL- The only non-carding club and bar on campus that is open all night. Club KSL’s loud dubstep music echoes across a five-mile radius, especially during finals.   The Elephant Stairs- The wooden stairs that go up the hill on South Side. They’re like the stairs that […]


Man Confuses Real Life, Hit Broadway Musical “Hamilton”

Daniel Mottern From the beginning of its time on Broadway, “Hamilton” has captivated audiences and taught us that history can be interesting, so long as it’s interspersed with haunting melodies and dance breaks. Some people have found that “Hamilton” can help teach us about modern-day America as well. A coworker […]


Pokémon is for Outsiders

Sabanrab Bocaj Nothing has swept the Case Western Reserve University campus in such a storm (apart from 1,500 riot police walking to Chipotle) as Pokémon Go. And that was just during the summer session. It’s like the entire student population was actually inspired by the Carpe Summer mascot to go […]

Leaked Wells Fargo memo indicates desire to break up progressive politics

Harald Gormsson Illustration Provided By Barnabas Brennan   Valued Employees, I write to you all with a call to action, a battle cry of sorts. Progressive politics cannot continue to be an island in a sea of Conservative politics, gambling millions of votes, while expecting the public not to vote […]


Are You an Outsider?

A Fun, Informative Quiz Alaina Lisanti 1. Who do you identify with most in the Kanye-Kim-Taylor feud? a. Kanye, because he’s the O.G. Rap God! b. Kim Kardashian: She’s the queen! c. Taylor Swift: I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative. d. Wait, what’s even going […]


Local woman equally uncomfortable in boardroom, home

Jessica Chalas At first it would seem that Sheila Reyes, a mother and a businesswoman, embodies her dual role to a T. She exudes the inner qualities of a go-getter and an executive not afraid to take on some testosterone, yet she appears as caring and compassionate as any stay-at-home […]


New Legislation: Definition of “mass shooting” changed so there are fewer mass shootings

Ann Cutlery Contradicting the popular sentiment that Congress has done nothing to amend firearm policy in response to recent mass shootings, a political action has been taken utilizing a novel semantic approach to the problem. In the last year, both Democrats and Republicans proposed four bills regulating gun ownership or […]


Letter from the Editor

It was a typical day in Cleveland, and The Athenian editorial staff were locked out of our beloved office in the basement of Thwing. The staff brainstormed to find a solution. “Could we break through the glass?” asked Michael. “No!” cried Paul, probably still somewhat traumatized from the accident in […]