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CWRU's humor magazine, est. 2000

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Issue 92

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Issue 92

Issue 92

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment WAKE UP SHEEPLE!: You’re not even alive.

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!: You’re not even alive.

An Urgent Message from Jahlyn Reyes-McKinley, President of the Tin Foil Hat Society Have you ever taken a walk on the beach on a nice day? Sun in your hair, … Read More “WAKE UP SHEEPLE!: You’re not even alive.”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Revealed: Walmart’s Secret Menu

Revealed: Walmart’s Secret Menu

Erin Hartmann People either go to Walmart to get everyday items at low prices or to see people your mom tells you to stay away from. However a company representative … Read More “Revealed: Walmart’s Secret Menu”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Top Five Ways to Slow Down Time

Top Five Ways to Slow Down Time

Paul Palumbo As a college campus, CWRU is capable of performing all kinds of temporal mischief. Obviously time flies when you’re having fun, but what are some ways to make … Read More “Top Five Ways to Slow Down Time”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Using five extra minutes effectively

Using five extra minutes effectively

Daniel Kessler We have just received word from Case Western Reserve University administration regarding changes in class schedules. We now have a 15 minute block between consecutive classes, a 50 … Read More “Using five extra minutes effectively”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Man not sure if argument salvageable, but determined to try anyway

Man not sure if argument salvageable, but determined to try anyway

Evelyn Turner, Part-time Court Reporter Area man David Blake began his day the normal way: woke up; brushed his teeth, his hair and his cat; and proceeded to an early … Read More “Man not sure if argument salvageable, but determined to try anyway”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Film Society Olde Time Ad

Film Society Olde Time Ad

Ruth Johnson

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment An Open Letter to the Loading Bar

An Open Letter to the Loading Bar

Dear Loading Bar, I am just not sure that what you are doing is right for the world anymore. Your intentions seem pure. It really does look like you are … Read More “An Open Letter to the Loading Bar”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Five Words that Only Millennials Know: Valuable knowledge Everyone Else is Missing

Five Words that Only Millennials Know: Valuable knowledge Everyone Else is Missing

Alaina Lisanti Things may seem bleak with temperatures at an all-time high and politics at an all-time low, but look on the bright side: if you were born between 1980 … Read More “Five Words that Only Millennials Know: Valuable knowledge Everyone Else is Missing”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Quantum-Entangled Burrito (Fake Ad)

Quantum-Entangled Burrito (Fake Ad)

Barnabas Brennan

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment The Death of Journalism

The Death of Journalism

Tejas Joshi The Athenian separates the myths from the facts regarding the “death of journalism.”   Myth Fact Most Americans are not willing to pay for print content due to … Read More “The Death of Journalism”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 20161 Comment on Student Thinks Within the Possible, Suspended

Student Thinks Within the Possible, Suspended

Staff Reporter At Case Western Reserve University, our motto is “Think Beyond the Possible.” Here, students prepare for the real world by learning to tackle their problems from multiple directions. … Read More “Student Thinks Within the Possible, Suspended”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Group Member’s Web of Lies Exposed

Group Member’s Web of Lies Exposed

David Pendergast CLEVELAND, OH—Three classmates foiled an attempt to evade group-work duties on Thursday, Oct. 8, accusing group member Rachel of not doing her fair share of the project. According … Read More “Group Member’s Web of Lies Exposed”

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment Latest Smart Watch Feature Guide

Latest Smart Watch Feature Guide

Letty Dornfeld

Author cwruathenianPosted on October 14, 2016No comment CWRU Historical Timeline

CWRU Historical Timeline

Daniel Mottern

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