Dear Readers, Thank you for taking the time to read our centennial issue of The Athenian: The Undergraduate Humor Journal of Case Western Reserve University. The Athenian is a completely … Read More “Editor’s Note”
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Issue 94
Need-aware policy shocks critics
Steve Kerby In an astonishing turn of events, the controversial need-aware policy enacted by the administration of Case Western Reserve University has been met with widespread approval. Erstwhile critics of … Read More “Need-aware policy shocks critics”
The Deceitful Tradition
Justo Karell Sources Recommend Parents take extra measures to keep new generation of kids believing in Santa Claus. It’s getting close to the most wonderful time of the year again. … Read More “The Deceitful Tradition”
U.S. Ranked Best in World for Subway System
Tejas Joshi ANAHEIM, CA—For the fourth consecutive year in a row, the International Tourism Board (ITB) ranked the U.S. as the country with the greatest Subway system in the world. … Read More “U.S. Ranked Best in World for Subway System”
Corrections: Student Life
We apologize for an article on Friday about the recently departed sorority Kappa Alpha Sigma, which stated that their house would be closed on Dec. 2, after which they would … Read More “Corrections: Student Life”
CWRU is #2 in the nation for Athenian readers
Erin Hartmann Columbus, Ohio—A recent poll of college students in Ohio has revealed that, amongst the number of undergraduate students that read Case Western Reserve University’s coveted Athenian magazine, the … Read More “CWRU is #2 in the nation for Athenian readers”
New physics professor causes big buzz on campus
Letty Dornfeld This semester, Case Western Reserve University welcomed Dr. Coleman Greg, a professor from New York City who specializes in gravitational waves. The Department of Physics was overjoyed to … Read More “New physics professor causes big buzz on campus”
How To Get To Third Base
Harald Gormsson Head northeast on Euclid Avenue towards Mayfield Road. Make a U-Turn on Mayfield Road. Turn right onto MLK Jr Drive. Continue onto Chester Avenue. Turn right to merge … Read More “How To Get To Third Base”
Food marketing finds ways to increase product prices
Jessica Chalas The FDA recently approved the introduction of gluten-free apples, broccoli florets, turkey slices and rice puffs in grocery stores near you. They report their continued dedication to the … Read More “Food marketing finds ways to increase product prices”
Abbreviations you thought you knew
Jessica Chalas ARA (American Rental Association) – Association of Redundant Associations CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) – Confiscating Decidedly Contaminated things CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) – Clinically Insane … Read More “Abbreviations you thought you knew”
A Heuristic Analysis of the Binary Walkway
Peter Huett Daez*, Ph.D., Saloni Langer, Ph.D., Barnabas Brennan** * Case Western Reserve University, Department of Computer Science. ** This author contributed only minor work to this research. ABSTRACT The … Read More “A Heuristic Analysis of the Binary Walkway”
Issue 94
CWRU Deceives Prospies
Sabanrab Bocaj Current students at Case Western Reserve University have probably noticed the influx of prospective students and the continual campus tours for them and their families. Every walkway is … Read More “CWRU Deceives Prospies”