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Issue 95


Space Flight Biographies

Caroline Berry Every year, thousands of people apply for a free spaceship ride across the galaxy. Finalists for the competition were announced last night. Each were asked to submit a brief biography and one sentence of advice to humankind:   Sam Hartman I’m Sam. Sam comes from the Latin word […]


CWRU announces tuition breaks for wealthy students

Harald Gormsson   CLEVELAND, OH—In an unprecedented move, Case Western Reserve University has begun a new program to provide tuition breaks for wealthy students. Following the school’s change to need-aware admissions, this new program was strongly advocated for by Undergraduate Student Government (USG) Vice President of Finance Tommy Pierre. Pierre […]


How to meet local singles

Sabotage your means of transportation mid-journey Volunteer at the University Farm Make use of pick-up lines (You bring the bubble, I bring the tea) [This is drastic, but] turn on airplane mode The classic: Tinder (resist swiping left) Get arrested Get a teacup pig Get an ad in the newspaper […]


Reasons for the decline in Greek Life membership

You like to take photos without squatting It’s too much fun You can get more relevant interview practice at the Career Center Living in a house with over 25 people of the same gender identity no longer seems appealing Knowledge of the Greek alphabet has declined (there’s too many symbols […]