Cops Versus Druggies: A new game to improve campus spirit

Connie Huang Sports Writer

A new game, Cops versus Druggies (CvD), is being developed on campus in the wake of polls on changing interests of the CWRU population. Spurred by new lows of participants playing in the various campus-wide traditions, this game will be a desperate attempt on part of the Undergraduate Bonding Board (UBB) to reinvigorate the school spirit.

In essential ways, the game will work much in the same way as its predecessors, notably Humans Vs Zombies. All players start out as druggies except for a few cops. When a cop arrests (makes light physical contact) with a druggie, the druggie turns into a cop who then tries to arrest other druggies. Druggies can defend themselves by temporarily freezing cops by the usual rules—lightly pelting them with marshmallows or gym socks.

The game was recommended by a member of the UBB based on an anonymous poll conducted earlier in the year to get a sense of the student body. About a third of all students admitted to having dabbled in drugs, as well as least half of the freshmen, making drugs the third most popular student activity. This, of course, landed after going to class and eating right. Unfortunately, this pastime is the least openly discussed among students as well, which may be contributing to the faltering sense of belonging in the CWRU community.

People are eager to dodge talk about this common interest as if it doesn’t exist, but the evidence is quite striking and clear. The biggest clue is that the locker rooms in Veale center smell suspiciously like grass year-round. Also, a random survey revealed that half of the student population shows up to class red-eyed but only one-fourth of the student body complains about not getting enough sleep at night.

And it’s not that the faculty and staff aren’t noticing. One professor who preferred to remain anonymous said that he knew what was going on but it doesn’t concern him. “As long as they keep doing good work, they must doing something right.” One of the crossing guards has noted fewer freshmen are willing to look him in the eye and greet him. “It’s like they’ve got something to hide.” When asked if he knew what, he just winked.

CvD will hopefully bring everything out into the open.

To sum up with bites from the UBB’s formal petition for the game: “The conversation needs to open up…Think about the school spirit…Kids can’t just keep their passions locked up anymore…College is a time to grow and explore your identity, and that can’t happen when you’re afraid your identity will be looked upon badly.”

Needless to say, the game was heartily approved.

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