CWRU offered Black Friday tuition discount

Rocky Codega

In an unprecedented move to reduce the cost of soaring tuition fees, CWRU offered a discount on tuition for Black Friday. The Cleveland area university, known for its innovative curriculum and facilities, is experimenting with this new financial aid strategy. Students now had the opportunity to camp outside of the $38 million Tinkham Veale University Center during their Thanksgiving night waiting for the opportunity to fight for a discounted tuition. To fund this discount, Case administration announced that they reduced 4 layers of bureaucratic inefficiency, leaving a bare-boned 17 layers remaining.

For those unfamiliar with the Black Friday tradition, it is a day where many retail shops offer great discounts to customers who are willing to wait for hours outside the store in an attempt to receive one of the few deals offered. This desperate desire to save money comes at a cost, as each year, many people are killed, and children are often lost or accidentally sold at great discount to their true value. Despite Black Friday events having a history of people being trampled to death, the university was confident that the proximity to hospitals was be advantageous at preventing student deaths. With 24 students sent to the hospital from trauma, only one death was reported. When asked for comments about student safety, CWRU security offices reassured students that as long as they act in a civilized manner, and don’t act selfishly fighting for one of the 100 discounts being offered, there is no risk that another student will die next year, and hopefully every student would retain eyesight.

While this was initially a Cyber Monday deal, CaseWireless has gone down since original inception, requiring planners rethink the event. After the Montreal ticketing fiasco, officials in charge of the event decided that there would be no set line for the discounts, since Case students are incapable of following such an advanced concept. Instead, coordinators for the event donned riot gear, and stood in the middle of the crowd, passing out the vouchers that represent the discount.

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