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Girl Turns Profile Picture Orange, Cures Cancer

Dr. Julia Jolley

Last week, at the request of several of her Facebook friends, Jill Hansen turned her Facebook profile picture the color orange. Hansen participated in this growing trend among social media users, in effort to raise money for cancer research.

“It was the least I could do,” Hansen explained. “I really, really care about cancer. We’re so close to beating that thing. Changing the color of my profile picture could make all the difference!”

Little did she know that a slight filter alteration would change the world. Minutes after Jill’s profile color change, cancer was cured.

This astounded millions around the globe. Dr. Steven Johnson, an oncologist at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine says he was completely stunned.

“It was like the cancer was never even there to begin with! All my sarcoma, melanoma, lymphoma patients… totally cured!” Trying to hide his emotion, Johnson added, “The entire oncology community owes everything to Jill Hansen.”

Hansen, an average but parentally-pressured high school student, had plans to attend medical school in the future.

“Well, looks like I don’t have to anymore,” she stated during an interview yesterday, “I’ve made my contribution to society!”

Maintaining that she has already made the greatest contribution to society, Hansen claims that she no longer needs to do anything productive with her time. Last we heard, Jill joined the Ted Cruz 2016 Presidential Campaign, tying the knot on her very promising future.

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