Google SmartCar crashes; Experts say Google Glass to blame

Reported by Bill Lohny

Smart cars: they’re compact, fuel efficient and all too easy to destroy. It seems that not even artificially intelligent drivers can save these tiny vehicles after a Google Smart Car™ swerved off a residential road and into a stop sign earlier today. Google’s computer-controlled car was totaled Eye-witnesses say the durable stop sign suffered no damage.

Google experts immediately examined the Smart Car’s black box in an effort to determine what went wrong, and discovered that the car was equipped with Google Glass. Among the services Glass provides is adjusting its ads based on the user’s viewing history. Unfortunately, it was this consumer-based ad that led to the car’s demise.

Black box analysis revealed that, just moments before the car swerved, Google Glass displayed an ad for a male enhancement pill. It is believed that the car’s onboard Artificial Intelligence (AI), distracted by the ad, ran off the road.

Further analysis revealed that immediately after the crash, Google Glass helpfully displayed an ad for a local auto mechanic.

Google employee Luke Wahrm was remotely monitoring the AI on the car in question at the time of the accident. Wahrm said, “Honestly, I just trusted the AI. I saw it swerve, but I figured the programming knew what it was doing.” He paused. “Then again, one time it went through a car wash without any input from me, so maybe I should have taken that as a hint that it had a mind of its own.”

Google issued a statement after the incident, repeating over and over, “We are really, really sorry that this happened.”

They also announced the implementation of new precautions to ensure that AI-controlled cars would not repeat this mistake. They stated that “weighing the variables so that more value is put on the road instead of the ads” and “increasing the cars’ comfort with masculinity to decrease obsession with male enhancement” will help to decrease the possibility of crashing.

When asked if they would consider abandoning the advertising strategy responsible for this incident in favor of something less intrusive, a spokesman for Google stated, “We’re committed to giving Google Glass users the most immersive experience possible. The occasional crashed vehicle is simply a blip on the radar screen, one that will soon be obliterated.”

The California Highway Patrol advised motorists to use extra caution when on the roads, and to avoid driving next to a Smart Car if at all possible.

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