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Guinness World Record broken by CWRU students — longest sex marathon

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Compiled from staff reports

Two CWRU students, one undergrad and one grad student, have just been verified as the current holders of the “longest sex marathon” record.

“Although it may have delayed our penguin research, we’re very proud,” reported A. Cox, PhD candidate in Animal Biology. “In fact, it may be too early to say—but I think we can even count this as research time. After all, we can compare human copulation to how penguins do coitus.”

Cox’s partner declined to comment verbatim, but did say he was absolutely exhausted and personally felt no inclination to return to studying “those fucking smelly birds.”

This event marks the first time any great sex landmarks have ever been reached on the CWRU campus, due to the high percentage of nerds who feel more comfortable in the World of Warcraft than the world of women.  A commemorative plaque is expected to be posted by summer in Hovorka Atrium, near the Michelson-Morley experiment. An admissions office assistant commented that this has already been incorporated into the regular tour guide spiel.

The witnesses freely spoke on the subject, saying they were “highly impressed,” although also “scarred” and planned to remove themselves from working as Guinness World Record takers.

The total time held was publicly revealed as two minutes and forty seconds.

“Yep, solid copulation that whole time, right there on the lab table,” Cox said proudly, smirking.

 

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