Holidays by the numbers

Numbers collected and presented by Daniel Mottern

ttransparent Pie Chart

  • Egg Nog: Everyone’s favorite holiday drink is finally back in season! Even though the taste of cinnamon and nutmeg are delightful, the most memorable part of drinking egg nog are the hints of regret and disgust for hours afterwards.
  • Ugly Holiday Sweaters: It can’t be a holiday without Gam-Gam buying or knitting a few holiday themed sweaters. How could you survive the winter without a deformed depiction of Rudolph and his fellow reindeer?
  • Artificial Pine Tree Smell: For those who want to experience having a real-life Christmas tree with 80 percent less effort and 100 percent more corporate involvement, the sweet, aerosol scent of pine trees is a must-have this holiday season.
  • Electric Menorah: We can’t forget all of our Jewish friends this season! Show them how much you care about them with a cheaper version of the incredibly important religious ornament. How thrifty!
  • Kidz Bop Christmas: No holiday season is complete without the screeching sounds of prepubescent children ruining all of our favorite holiday music! Now featuring the haunting melodies of George, the third grader who still thinks girls have cooties and that his parents love him!
  • Assorted Sex Toys: Hide the kids! Between the peppermint-striped flogs, the dreidel-shaped buttplugs, and vibrators that sing “Jingle Bell Rock” when activated, this will be a very not-safe-for-work holiday season for many!
  • Happpiness: Who says money can’t buy happiness? Poor people

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