How To Tell You’re Getting Older

1. There are songs that you listen to just for reminiscent value.
2. It’s physically painful to stand up after a 50 minute lecture.
3. You just can’t metabolize certain things like you used to. (Sunday mornings are not appropriate for doing homework…)
4. You almost appreciate getting socks for Christmas.
5. You can’t be actual friends with people born in the 2000s.
6. Your knees go out more than you do.
7. You get angry at people jaywalking. Though sometimes you do it too, in the hopes you’ll get hit by a greenie and not have to pay tuition.
8. Naps are not only fun, but necessary.
9. Denny’s at 2 a.m. doesn’t sit right anymore.
10. Certain slang genuinely makes you angry.
11. You have spent time wondering why you should put effort into the way you dress.
12. The “Friends” 10 year anniversary hit home.
13. It takes two tries to get out of your bed in the morning.
14. You correct grammar. Who vs. whom falls high on the priority list when it comes to everyday conversation.
15. You worry about things like rent and careers, not Leutner vs. Fribley.
16. You’re jealous of people younger than you, who haven’t made the mistakes you have.
17. Your resumé is no longer a collection of bullshit high school achievements.
18. Your mind is dirtier than a McDonald’s bathroom on St. Patrick’s Day in Detroit.
19. You know what it’s like when your bank account has a comma in it. That is one of your most treasured memories.
20. It is always, always time for bed.

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