How will CWRU celebrate Cyber Monday?

Reported by Sarah Whelan

CWRU students are notorious for being scared to death from all of the stories of the hordes, death, catastrophe and (worse yet) limited personal space provided by Black Friday. From year to year, University Hospitals are greeted by outlandish stories of homework eating books and professors that send out emails at 2 a.m. in the morning. Finally, though, the brilliant minds behind multi-million dollar marketing companies have come up with a day just for technology addicts: Cyber Monday.

While the loss of going out and spending a copious amount of money due to a fear of large group social interaction may be disappointing, Cyber Monday leaves no excuse to not be shocked by the toll on students’ banks. Though we don’t know why this huge spending spree happen (half of these students forget about shipping due to the existence of Amazon Prime which isn’t available everywhere), researchers have found that, due to lack of adequate socialization, these students have no control over impulse buying. That said, students still get to go to classes on this wonderful should-be national holiday so teachers and students alike may unfortunately suffer from a marked increase of in-class online shopping and later everyone can complain about the slow wireless.

If sitting all snug in a dorm room with a cup of hot coco surfing the web (wired for maximum spending money efficiency) for all the best deals and slowly watching a bank account balance drop just doesn’t do it, or camping out and stampeding through department stores at five in the morning doesn’t have any appeal, there’s still a way to make the best of the situation. Reddit will stream twelve hours of the Black Friday madness live, providing an excuse to stay inside on the computer and hide from crazy family members for two whole days (as if Thanksgiving wasn’t already the best holiday).

Of course, observing the violence from afar may not be enough for some people (those that wish to experience the whole event in the closest-to-being-but-not-quite-being-real that they possible can) and as such some CWRU Artificial Intelligence students made an artificial-reality helmet that releases small vibrations and electric shocks and randomly jars the display of people running so wearers can feel as if they are elbowing their way through the throng.

Think[box] will also over-staff this weekend in preparation for those who have taken Cyber Monday to a new level and wish to print out their online purchases on one of the 3D printers. All in all, the CWRU campus seems completely prepared to survive Cyber Monday experience. The question is—will our wallets?

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