In which Mr. Jameson’s stinginess is revealed

Jonathan Schaeffer

“So now there’s a dead man in the garden, and I’m not sure why.”

“Where’s the garden?”

“Out there.”

“How did he die?”

“Someone shot him.”

“Where was he shot?”

“In the back.”

“When did you find the body?”

“About this morning. I went to pick some zucchini by the fence and he was just kind of lying there.”

“Do you grow zucchini often?”

“Thomas, be quiet.”

“Yes, we cook with it almost every night. It grows very fast around here.”


“Did you hear anything last night that might have been linked to the murder?”

“I don’t think so.”

“What time did you go to bed?”

“8 p.m..”

“What time did you wake up?”

“5:30 a.m.”

“And during that time you did not hear a gunshot or a body falling over your fence?”

“I don’t believe so. Excuse me, Tom?”

“What?” “Yes?”

“Did you hear a gunshot or a body falling over our fence last night?”

“I heard a few gunshots.”

“When did you hear them?”

“I think around 10 p.m.”

“Thomas, what were you doing up at 10 p.m.?”

“Sorry, I was reading, I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“And you didn’t think to call the police?”

“I just thought Mr. Jameson was protecting his zucchini.”

“Who’s Mr. Jameson?”

“Our neighbor.”

“Does he grow zucchini too?”

“Thomas, be quiet. Does he live on the other side of the fence where you found the body?”

“He does, and yes.”

“Do you mind if we take a look at the fence?”

“Not at all. Come on out.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s a lot of zucchini.”

“Thomas, be quiet.”

“Well, seriously, Todd, it’s everywhere. I don’t even think there’s any grass.”

“Can I come too?”

“The body’s right there, officer.”

“And this is how you found him?”


“Why are there multiple bullets in his wound?”

“Mr. Jameson’s is a very good shot.”

“Thomas, get back inside!”

“Looks like he has zucchini in his pockets.”

“Ma’am, I’m assuming these are Mr. Jameson’s zucchini?”

“His always were a bit stingier than mine.”

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