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Interview with Lindsay: What to do while stoned

Marisa Neel Staff Reporter

We can only thank Obama that unemployment is so high that these days the only thing higher is Lindsay Lohan.

With the drug finals coming up this year, we have Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan going head to head in a close battle for the gold. I had a chance to catch up with the “Mean Girls” star while she was in between rehabs last week.

Naturally, we talked drugs. After all, it’s best to get advice from those with experience.

Lohan gave me the scoop on what to do and what not to do while completely stoned, stating, “Gotta get the most out of it without complications, ya know?”

We had quite the discussion. For example, while high, Lohan suggests crashing a party. (Do not crash a car.) Or, leak a song you wrote to the internet. (Maybe take this one with a grain of salt; her song was one of the least welcomed leaks since the gulf oil spill.) Or, become a pop star. “How else do you do it?” she asked in a tone far too serious. Or, watch “The Matrix.” Or, do homework—apparently, being stoned off the walls makes it fun, and you get to be productive. Killing two birds with one stoned. There is clearly a lot to learn from this girl.

Let’s not get too sarcastic. Remember, Lindsay Lohan is actually a talented young lady who just got into many bad situations. She is actually very accomplished, basically a triple threat: Singer, actress, and the sole reason for 90 percent of all gossip websites. Basically, she’s pretty fetch.

Even though her voice is as croaky as the “ain’t nobody got time for that” lady, Lohan is on the uphill. Back in rehab for the 11th time, I thought to see what she learned from the whole mess. I asked her to give me advice on what not to do while high. She unfortunately couldn’t come up with much. We reached the mutual consensus that you probably should not approach the popo, or contribute to Yahoo answers.

But remember, being stoned isn’t everything. There’s more to life, as Lohan is beginning to discover. She’s now the optimist, glass always half full. Good for you, Lindsay.

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