It’s what we’ve all been waiting for since we came here: a gigantic, multimillion-dollar glass building that looks like it was taken out of a bad episode of Cribs. Yes, the brand new two-story, 82,000-square-foot Tinkham Veale University Center is set to open its glass doors beginning the fall semester of 2014.
So pack your bags and walk, like, 50 feet from Kelvin Smith Library or Thwing because this miracle of modern architecture is sure to blow your socks, Northface jacket, sweatpants, sweatshirt, Beats headphones, Ugg boots, winter hat and gloves off. What a time to be alive here at Case Western. It’s only been 47 years since the union of the two schools happened that gave birth to CWRU, so the timing is finally right for a student center.
Due to an overwhelming demand from students, Bon Appetit will be in charge of the food at the center. Tired of Leutner, Grab It, Bag It, L3, Fribley or anything else that isn’t Chipotle? Too bad! Come on down and enjoy everything that you’ve already eaten a million times before. It is known that an unannounced sandwich shop will be featured as one of the dining options. Rumors have it that Melt will fill this role, but nothing has been finalized. But why change the system? Who wants a gourmet grilled cheese sandwich made with love, when you can have roast beef on rye, a bag of chips, Teddy Grahams, a Snack Pack and milk instead? We can only hope that with whatever food options are available, they should be sure to close by 9 p.m. and cost at least $12 for a meal that took $3 to make. But there’s more to this University Center than just the delicious food options.
In light of CWRU’s profound knack and love for technology, an exciting new feature will be available in the University Center. Get ready for the most pointless invention since the Zune! Near the south entrance of the center there will be a two-story, hightech media wall. This wall will supposedly be used to display upcoming events and have games available for everyone to play. Bet you wish you didn’t buy that PS4 now. But really, nothing screams “we have more money than we know what to do with” like a two-story iPad. Through the power of this magical wall alone, there is a predicted 99 percent increase in prospective students choosing to come here for the 2015-2016 school year. But what other features does this building have that will reel in that pesky one percent?
Along with copious amounts of space to study and socialize, there are some special places in the center that will surely be popular amongst students. For instance, there will be 40 crying rooms. Each room will be equipped with a mirror so that every student can see an image of failure and disappointment. (The University claims that 40 Fatheads of LeBron would be too expensive.) Along with the crying rooms, there will be a petting zoo, a chocolate river and, of course, a third floor swimming pool.
The entire campus anxiously awaits the opening of this brand new center and all of the treasures it holds. It will be a great place to stop and warm up on the way to the library. The possibilities that this center holds are endless. With its asinine shape and glass exterior combined with its comforting interior, the Tinkham Veale University Center will be the new place for all the cool kids to exchange their swag. Don’t miss out!