Let’s talk about doors!

Paul Palumbo

There’s a huge problem on the Case Western Reserve University campus that nobody is addressing, and I feel it is my obligation to point out the elephant in the room. CWRU is comprised of many different buildings, with a surplus of doors helping us students get in and out of them. So with such a huge, important responsibility that doors have been tasked with, why are all the doors on campus so ridiculous?
Let’s talk about some of the specific doors around here that desperately need a redesign. For example, the Peter B. Lewis Building doors. Now, it’s no secret that PBL is more like the Lewis Carroll Building, with doors numbered in weird ways and a fifth floor that is only accessible with the Marauder’s Map, a secret password and a blood oath. Still, is it so unreasonable that the madness at least waits until we get inside the building? But no, the doors leading to the PBL have vertical, pull handles facing both sides.

This might seem like a petty grievance, but anybody who’s visited the funhouse of CWRU has found themselves trying to pry open the doors to escape, only to realize that they must be pushed. Truly, this most minor of inconveniences simply must be addressed before more students embarrass themselves trying to leave the maze of wonders.

The worst doorway, by FAR, is the set of swinging doors that lead into Rockefeller. Now in theory, these doors should be awesome; pushing both those doors apart and strolling into the building like you’re searching for Dirty Dan. The execution, however, leaves something to be desired.

For one thing, those doors weigh approximately 7 tons, at least 6.5 tons heavier than necessary. Trying to open those doors old-west style will only end in an immobile set of doors and a bunch of students behind you wondering why some chucklehead is stopping them from getting to Calc II on time.

When they do get open, you better be really careful walking through them. Many unaware students have found themselves on the ground after a swinging door has decided to give them a high-speed hug. I’ve had my life flash before my eyes walking through those doors before; the person in front of me doesn’t hold it open, and I find myself facing down a speeding door and my elementary school graduation is dancing through my vision.

What I’m trying to say is that we need to form a committee to examine and redesign the numerous doors on campus to ensure the safety of students on their way to class. With any hope, this committee will be able to spare the Class of 2027 from the terror of the Rockefeller Slam.

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