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Letter from the Editor

It was a typical day in Cleveland, and The Athenian editorial staff were locked out of our beloved office in the basement of Thwing. The staff brainstormed to find a solution.
“Could we break through the glass?” asked Michael.
“No!” cried Paul, probably still somewhat traumatized from the accident in the Tinkham Veale University Center.
“Maybe we should just cancel the magazine?” suggested Mahima, way too cheerfully.
After each of our nine staff members called out similarly comical and impractical suggestions, we eventually settled on moving to Mather Quad to decide on the new theme for our issue. Thus, we all loaded Pokémon Go, caught the nearby Weedle and began the journey.
Days passed, but we eventually arrived at the center of the humanities. Yet all was not as we expected. A barbed fence had risen up around the quad. We circled the enclosure to hunt for an entrance without success, but I spotted a flyer plastered on a wall nearby.
“Students, staff and administrators of Mather voted Tuesday to leave CWRU in the ‘Mexit’ referendum,” I read. “Outsider access will be barred until a favorable trade agreement can be negotiated.”
As visiting Mather was Michael’s idea, the rest of the staff unanimously impeached him. A quick discussion and vote followed, and we decided to continue on to the main Quad.
Though the journey was long, our staff pressed on. We finally arrived at the binary walkway (except for Aquene who was unexpectedly swept away in a deluge of prospective students). However, a new barrier rose in front of us. A line of caution tape and unfamiliar police officers stood blocking the path into the quad.
After verifying that no one in our remaining group was a minority, we approached one of the uniformed peace officers to ask what was going on. She explained that the entire quad was being used for training exercises. A muffled sound of static suddenly came through her earpiece. Without explanation, she sprinted away, hand on her Taser, to join several officers surrounding Anastazia, who had been carefully placing “Actual Size” stickers on the campus art sculptures. In unison, our staff looked at each other, turned and walked away.
As we passed through Little Italy, we were running low on ideas.
“Is there anywhere else we could work?” I asked.
“What about Tinkham Veale?” asked Letty.
“No!” screeched Paul.
“The attrition rate among our staff is quite high” added Sarah, unhelpfully.
Suddenly overcome with despair, we sunk to the ground. It seemed that we would never be able to find a place to plan our next issue’s theme. Just then, we heard a faint “Hello?” call out from the distance. Our eyes straining, we gradually made out the sight of our savior. A small, lanyard-swinging, map-clutching presence emerged.
“Can you help me find Veale?” she asked.
“Which one? The building or the food?” replied JP mysteriously.
Instantly, inspiration stuck all the remaining staff members, except David who was struck instead by a Greenie. Like that lost freshman, we had become outsiders in our own campus. Over the long Uber ride back, we compiled ideas and topics for the Outsider issue, which now lies in front of you.
At the start of this issue, we decided to welcome everyone, outsider or not, to our campus and its most stunning feature, this sterling publication gracing your retinas at this very moment. The Athenian is a monthly magazine that anyone can write, draw or design for. In addition to our print issue, we hold open brainstorming meetings once a year, produce a humorous news program, cry ironically, host a gorgeous website, organize pranks, roam aimlessly and rearrange The Observer’s furniture. Our next meeting will take place Wednesday August 31, 4:00 p.m. in our office (the basement of Thwing).
Until then, welcome to CWRU, and make sure to post all over the freshman Facebook page. I hear people love that.
Tejas Joshi, Editor in chief

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