Tejas Joshi, Journalist (rated 4 stars on Yelp)
San Diego— Citing the large number of office conversations, newspaper articles and television shows referencing Benghazi which he has already somehow missed, local area man Glenn Schmitt stated to reporters today that “it just doesn’t make sense to look it up now.” The financial analyst explained that he’s repeatedly considered, but ultimately decided not to perform a quick Google search to understand the very basics of the highly relevant and newsworthy 2012 attack on the U.S. diplomatic compound in Benghazi, Libya which killed a U.S. ambassador.
Blissfully ignoring the relevance of the attack whose aftermath has called into question the actions of the Obama administration and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, Schmitt stated that he keeps expecting the whole thing to blow over and added that “if what happened was so important, I would have known all about it by now.” It is not yet clear whether Schmitt completely failed to pay attention to any information about Benghazi or simply forgot about it, but the nation’s leading scientists suspect a combination of both factors are at play.
His wife, Amy Kmak, told our reporter that the depth of his ignorance was really quite impressive, especially as she remains a staunch Clinton supporter and often discusses Benghazi at dinner parties.
“Last Sunday at brunch with my in-laws, I was discussing some of the findings of the Accountability Review Board’s investigation of Hillary’s actions when I noticed that Glenn was just staring into the distance,” she said.
When his father asked him what he was thinking, Schmitt was unable to pronounce the word ‘Benghazi.’
“Benghazi—is that in Bengal?” he asked.
At press time, a weakened Schmitt was seen looking contemplative with his mouse hovering over a search box.