Man not sure if argument salvageable, but determined to try anyway

Evelyn Turner, Part-time Court Reporter

Area man David Blake began his day the normal way: woke up; brushed his teeth, his hair and his cat; and proceeded to an early breakfast. Arriving at Peet’s Coffee, he ordered an espresso to go.

A portly, middle-aged gentleman stood in front of him. He looked slightly exhausted, but Blake began to engage the man in conversation anyway during the wait. The conversation began pleasantly; they discussed cars, cards, carts and politics. However, things took a turn when Blake asked, “Remind me, when is election day?”

The man responded, “Nov. 8, like it is every election.”

Blake, thinking that was strange, replied, “That can’t be right. The Constitution was ratified in June. So why would election day be in November?”

The man studied Blake closely and after a brief moment responded, “I don’t think those two things are related.”

Blake braced himself to counter. He had won precisely seven arguments in his life and wasn’t about to lose this one. “You’re wrong. I’ve never voted in November in my entire life.”

The gentleman appeared uneasy. Blake knew he was winning. Then, the man pulled out his phone, and after some swift typing, said, “Look, Nov. 8.”

Blake mentally reasoned, “That doesn’t prove anything,” hoping to salvage his collapsing argument. Now desperate, he pulled out his own mobile device and, after some less-than-swift typing, saw the ill-fated words on his screen: “Tuesday, November 8.” Partially unsure of how to proceed, Blake took a calculated gamble.

“A world consisting of people whose opinions remain unchallenged is a sad one, ergo, I must play Devil’s advocate,” said Blake.

The man looked beyond puzzled. He probably didn’t know what “ergo” meant. Idiot. Blake was on fire.

Insightfully, Blake added, “To be November or not to be November, that is the true question, is it not?”

The man responded as he grabbed his danish, “Look, it doesn’t really matter. I have to get going.”

Tight for time as he picked up his own drink, Blake attempted, “But November rhymes with December, and without December, we wouldn’t have Christmas. Are you saying that God doesn’t exist?”

His adversary swiftly countered, “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

Blake remembered a kicker that had helped him in a previous argument. “If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear it, did it make a sound? Similarly, if there is no God, is there even an election day?”

Proud of his retort, Blake waited for the man to crumble. But, to his surprise, the man turned and began to walk away. Over his shoulder, he called out, “That was a logical fallacy.”

Embittered, David knew he had been defeated. In a final hasty attempt, he blurted, “Your mom is a logical fallacy!” And with that, our hero fell, and dropped his coffee all over himself.

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