CLEVELAND, OH—A local architectural fixture reportedly baffled freshman Case Western student Henry Dulce on Tuesday afternoon as he stood near Rockefeller.
After his class finished early, Dulce confirmed that he had hoped to enjoy the not-quite-as-gloomy-as-usual weather and eat a wilted sandwich on the quad. Still unaware of what was to come, the student drew closer to a promising bronze, low-backed structure in the distance with hopes to sit down. Suddenly, Dulce noticed that the figure seated on the metallic bench was actually a pewter statue in the shape of a bulky man.
Eyewitness accounts report that the 18-year-old then spent several seconds staring at the bench in disbelief. The student explained to reporters that he unable to ascertain whether or not the bronze, backed platform was an art piece, and, if so, if it was one on which he could sit.
“I was pretty confused. I just wanted a place to sit,” the student told reporters, vividly describing how his hopes of peacefully eating lunch were horrifically and irrevocably shattered by this realization of ignorance. “I mean, on one hand, it’s basically a metal bench in the type of place where you’d expect a bench to be. But then again, that guy’s statue thing is really creepy and takes up most of the bench space. Plus, it’s clearly some kind of memorial or something.” The student then gestured to a small, inlaid inscription on the side of the bench. “I mean there’s a plaque and everything,” he added.
This series of events is just the latest in a line of art-related adversities on CWRU’s campus. Last fall, six sophomore students reportedly missed the first three days of their economics elective because they couldn’t find the Peter B. Lewis Building.
“We just kept walking around Ford and Bellflower because we assumed that the bright, silver explosion in front of us was a modern art piece that was blocking our view of PBL,” explained one brave sociology major. Then, in the spring semester, an entire modern physics class got soaked when the chrome plated, Michelson-Morley Memorial Fountain on the quad inexplicably turned on.
However, these precedents were no consolation to Dulce. At press time, the student sat down on the sidewalk in front of the bench to eat his lunch, careful to avoid eye contact with the statue.