Nerdy Party Gone Wrong: CWRU Nerds Finally Go Crazy

Anastazia Vanisko

Red solo cups lay everywhere. There were broken windows and strange colored stains covering the carpet of the fraternity house. The night before had been wild.

It had started innocently enough, with a few juniors deciding to have some friends over on a Friday night. Word spread like wildfire. For once in their lives, Case Western students were hungry for a party.

Since this wasn’t your average group of partiers, people began to arrive by 7:00 p.m. with an interesting array of supplies. Textbooks, laptops, test tubes, lab coats and safety goggles were among the items carried in by many of the partygoers, who were the types of people who usually only left the safe confines of their dorm rooms to go to class. At first, it didn’t look like it would be turning into an exciting night.

That changed quickly enough. The CWRU nerds turned out to have something in mind when they brought lab coats and test tubes—homemade alcohol that fermented in an hour (patent pending). From there, things escalated quickly. The fraternity house was soon packed, with lights flashing from every window and booming music that reached all the surrounding residence halls. Hearing the music and feeling an uncontrollable need to dance, even more people came. But at a normal time, like 11:00 p.m.

By that time, there was plenty of alcohol to go around, and anyone who had actually arrived sober was quickly changing their state. Those that had pre-gamed were struggling to remain standing. In the spirit of safe drinking, people drank out of beakers to measure how much they had, but were soon too drunk to actually remember if they were on their second or sixth beaker.

Those that drank at least six beakers and were somehow immune to alcohol poisoning were on the tables dancing or drunkenly cheering on their friends in beer pong and flip cup. At one point the drunken antics included someone in a banana costume. Where the banana costume came from no one knows or remembers.

Then everything went horribly wrong.

Someone accidentally mixed the wrong chemical into one of the test tubes, and smoke began billowing onto the floor. Afraid of potential toxins, people began shoving towards the exits. In desperation, someone threw their laptop through the window to create their own exit. Seeing this, people began throwing laptops out of windows like there was no way that would break them. One student, who prefers to remain anonymous, had this to say about the sight, “I don’t remember much, but what I do remember was terrifying. I mean, think about all the homework that might have been on those laptops! I die a little inside when I think about what might’ve happened if I brought mine along.”

He continued: “I did end up escaping through one of the windows though. But when I got out there was weird colored smoke everywhere. I was so scared the police would see it and come. I left pretty quickly,” the same student added. Oddly enough, police didn’t show up, adding yet another item to the ever-growing list of things security might want to look into.

The next day, the scene was a mess. Broken test tubes, windows and laptops littered the house and the front lawn. Red solo cups and party streamers were everywhere. The smoke had discolored the walls and the floor of the house, and no one was sure how to fix that without buying a new carpet and repainting the walls.

At least CWRU can finally claim to have thrown a wild party.

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