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NIH grants $2 million to study if weekday brunch is possible

Oksinav Aizatsana

The National Institute of Health has just approved a $2 million grant funding a new study that will answer the question that occupies everybody’s mind before mid-afternoon Monday through Friday: Is weekday brunch a viable social outing for people with nothing going on before 1 p.m.? Researchers hypothesize that it is.

In a statement explaining the rationale behind choosing this brunch study for funding, Michael Lauer, the NIH’s director of extramural research, said, “Reviewers were touched by the researcher’s personal connections to the research question. We are proud to provide funding for this study, which promises to alter how we go about our daily lives.”

The three researchers directing the study cited various reasons for investigating weekday brunch’s potential. One man described eating Sunday brunch every day with his grandparents, who both recently passed away after suffering from Alzheimer’s. He hopes to recreate these Sunday memories on Tuesdays, and possibly Thursdays. Another researcher uses brunch as a way to bond with her children. The final researcher simply stated in the grant proposal that he didn’t understand everyone’s fascination with brunch, and since his weekends are too busy to fit brunch into the schedule, he’s hoping that a weekday brunch might help him to understand the hype.

One reviewer, Lindsay Chen, reported that the majority of reviewers found the third researcher’s story to be the most tragic, and that his quest to understand brunch is the ultimate reason that they chose this study for the grant. She added, “We couldn’t fathom a world in which we didn’t understand the significance of brunch, so we just couldn’t let anyone else continue to live that way.”

Other top contenders for funding included developing a cure for Alzheimer’s and investigating the possibility of brunch after 3 p.m. Although they didn’t make the final cut, each will receive an honorable mention for their efforts.
Weekday brunch will only be determined a success if it provides the same level of satisfaction and bliss as weekend brunch. If the result is even a little lower, the experiment will be deemed a failure and weekday brunch will be outlawed, with the hope that eating an illegal meal will be more satisfying.

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