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Play hard, party harder

Hotshot quarterback Johnny Manziel crashes CWRU party scene

Aaron Shang

This past football season, nearly every single mention of the Cleveland Browns inevitably came attached with the words “Johnny Football,” in reference to the hotshot rookie, Johnny Manziel, who had a way with partying both on and off of the football field.

After making headlines for his weekend Vegas trips and hungover practice performances, Manziel—widely believed to be the Browns’ only option under center for next year—promised to drastically tone down the distractions and focus on football. However, reports have it that Johnny Football not only broke that promise, but he did it on the craziest party scene on this side of the Atlantic—the campus of Case Western Reserve University.

On a particularly mild Friday night featuring temperatures as high as 20 degrees Fahrenheit, Johnny Football arrived at Village House 4 amid a storm of silence and a noticeable lack of paparazzi. For the most part, students that walked by did not seem to notice or recognize him. After introducing himself to one fortunate passerby, Manziel inquired as to the location of the best rager on campus, and was promptly directed to “THE best party to be at.”

The party turned to be quite an event, featuring an assortment of computers and generators, a dozen people glued to glowing monitors, and a myriad of unidentified sounds and smells. That’s right, it was a weekly Case Western Reserve University LAN gaming party.  While there was a noticeable disparity in the gender ratio, none of the partygoers—Manziel included—seemed to mind.

When reached for comment, Johnny Football remarked that, “I never knew that so many guys could hang out and not….play sports? Tonight was definitely a new experience for me.”

The lucky CWRU students that partied with him also didn’t seem to mind the newcomer; as a group, they were so starstruck by Manziel’s aura that they systematically denied ever having heard of Johnny Football, the Cleveland Browns, or the sport of football.

Cleveland Browns head coach Mike Pettine could not be reached for comment on Manziel’s new nightlife, but one assistant remarked on the condition of anonymity that “If Manziel wants to party online, that’s fine by the organization. If he could somehow take Josh Gordon with him next time, he would probably get a statue.”

The difference between the two Browns players is drastic: while Gordon is suspended for the entire 2015-16 season due to a third failed drug test, Manziel is already being projected to win the NFL MVP award by multiple Browns fans.

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