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Politicians start their children on the campaign trail early

Julia Bianco

Following the recent announcement of her pregnancy, Chelsea Clinton, daughter of pioneer of the women’s pantsuit industry Hillary Clinton, announced that she will be doing everything within her power to ensure that her future child wins the 2052 presidential election.

“As soon as my child is of age, I want him or her sitting in the oval office,” says Clinton. “There’s no excuse for him or her not to get there.”

Clinton hopes to start her child on the campaign trail at an extremely young age, which will hopefully ensure that he or she is ready to enter office as soon as the constitution allows.

“I’m already working on campaign slogans,” says Clinton. “I’m thinking ‘Clinton: a Name You Can Trust.’”

Clinton’s plans aren’t unusual in today’s political landscape, where many politicians are ensuring that their children go into their field by starting their campaigns as soon as they enter elementary school.

“You have to start campaigning early,” says political consultant Steve McAdams. “It’s been a noticeable trend in politics— the earlier you start and the more family members you have in office, the better off you are.”

The future Clinton child should be set on those fronts, with Chelsea’s political lineage and her intense desire to promote her child’s future career.

“If he or she doesn’t win kindergarten class president, that’s when I’ll know something is really wrong,” says Clinton. “I mean, if you can’t win that, what hope do you have for your future?”

Other political offspring who have announced their intent to one day run for the country’s highest office include Piper Palin, 13, and Sasha Obama, 12.

“I just, like, know this is what I’m supposed to do,” says Sasha. “I’ve already made buttons and stickers and everything. All of my friends are going to wear these shirts that we made with my name on them. I think it’s going to work super well!”

Political dynasties aren’t uncommon, with the Kennedy, the Clinton and the Bush families all holding numerous offices across the country.

“Americans are inherently lazy,” says McAdams. “If they see a familiar name on the ballot, it’s just an easy thing to just pick them. They don’t even have to bother doing any research on real issues— it’s basically the mom jeans of voting. Easy, comfortable and reliable, but probably not the most flattering thing to put on in the morning.”

New names, like the Palin and Obama families, hope to break into this dynasty structure so that they can ensure they will continue to influence American politics for much longer than they probably should.

“I think it’s really important that we get some more names on the ballot,” says former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. “But not too new. We still want people to know who they’re voting for!”

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