Simply Suzan – The Advice Column

By Scott

Editor’s Note: Dear reader, Suzan was ill this week so Scott, our intern, will take her place for the issue.

Q. Dear Suzan,

I divorced my first husband because he just never could respond to me emotionally. I thought my second husband would be much better, but recently I’m dealing with a lot of the same issues as before. Probably the most annoying traits that he’s picked up is that he never listens to me. Is this trait common to all men or have I just made some poor choices?

Doubly Disregarded

A. Dear Doubly Disregarded,

Sorry, I think I missed that. What were you asking again?


Q. Dear Suzan,

I think my marriage with my partner is breaking down. We used to have long, intellectual debates late through the night. But recently, we only seem to bicker about the most inane things. A few nights ago, I was running late from work so I decided to grab some Taco Bell drive-through for dinner for the two of us. When I got home, we ended up having a two hour fight because she wanted Burger King instead and insisted that I should have known that. I couldn’t even believe it. Do I have a right to be upset? Has our relationship just expired?

Wrangling Woman

A. Dear Wrangling Woman,

You have every right to be upset, and I completely understand your frustration. Taco Bell is obviously the superior franchise.


Q. Dear Suzan,

I introduced two of my friends to each other and am pleased that they just became happily married. However, every time that I go on a night out with one of them, they bring the other along without even asking me. It ends up feeling like I’m intruding on a date every time. How should I deal with this?

Third Wheel

A. Dear Third Wheel,

It’s natural for couples to want to do things together, but you deserve time alone with your friends as well. While telling them how you feel might fix the issue, it would also surely be awkward. Instead, I recommend inviting them both to events and then separating one of them repeatedly. Invite them both to go bowling right after work, for example, but sabotage one of their cars and subtly steal the spouse’s phone when the other arrives. Alternatively, show up in a mask and kidnap one friend at gunpoint, divest all of their possessions, and dump them far away. Then return for dinner with the other. After three or four such incidents, they will probably get the message.


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