Independent woman Marsha Dover is to be married next Saturday. Dover, being a strong woman, took a special trip down to Shaker Heights Municipal Court on Friday to forcefully inform the clerk that she would not be changing her last name and conforming to traditional gender roles.
The clerk was unable to be reached for comment, but anonymous sources state that he was thrilled to assist during his lunch break.
While Dover made it clear that she “did not need no man” (by sharing that she celebrates her empowered decision to singlehandedly secede from British rule and its associated stigma on an annual basis), she understands that sacrifices sometimes need to be made. However, her vow to take a stand against the patriarchy will not be broken; in lieu of adopting her husband-to-be’s last name, Dover is changing her first name instead. Marsha Dover’s new name will be Ben Dover, fully satisfying her dedication to the feminist cause.
After a friend advised that she could include both her maiden and married name, Dover briefly considered hyphenating her last name. However she strongly decided that she was far too independent to have half of her surname supported by another man. Additionally, “Ben Dover-Formi” seemed too long.
At press time, Ben was preparing (independently) for her wedding and was looking forward to proudly telling the clerk her new name.