By Anastazia Vanisko
Recently, two important items on our campus went missing. A week ago junior Evan McNamee mysteriously vanished on his way from Crawford to Wade. But, even more disturbing, freshman Jess Davi lost her water bottle in Nord. Luckily, the water bottle was found within a few days. Oh, and McNamee showed up somewhere on campus only a little worse for wear.
As soon as Davi lost her water bottle she contacted campus security. They directed her to lost and found, but unfortunately, no one had turned in any items matching her description.
“The lack of missing water bottles clearly showed that mine had been stolen, not just left somewhere. Besides, I have a perfect memory. I can’t just lose things like normals,” Davi complained.
Meanwhile, a friend of McNamee, who wished to remain anonymous, searched for him. “He didn’t come back for a few days, so I figured I should check up on him,” his friend nonchalantly told The Athenian.
The friend contacted lost and found to see if McNamee had wandered in. There was one small child and two frazzled chemistry students, but no McNamee. “I didn’t really look for him after that,” his friend admitted. “He’d turn up when he felt like it.”
While McNamee was lost somewhere on the CWRU campus, the search for Davi’s water bottle intensified. A campaign uncreatively named “Find the Thief!” mobilized many sympathizers. Posters of the water bottle were put up everywhere, from Presti’s to Carlton Commons. Others shared their own stories of losing water bottles, resulting in speculation that the thief may have actually stolen from them, too.
From these accounts, wild speculation arose. Some even said the mysterious water bottle thief had been active for decades, hoarding away his or her collection in the tunnels underneath the campus.
By the third day of this campaign, people were calling for campus security to involve the actual police. Though some believed this was too far, the majority believed it was not far enough, and it seemed their interests would prevail. But then it happened. The water bottle was found in Nord, very close to where Davi had originally lost it.
The campus was shocked. Did the thief leave his or her loot lying about to be found by anyone? Was this a part of an ultimate master plan? Or had Davi lost the water bottle after all?
“I told you I have perfect memory. The thief must have felt bad and returned it after all our campaigning. We should continue the search for the thief so that this never happens to anyone again,” Davi stated.
Most people are now embarrassed to admit they were a part of the Find the Thief! campaign.
Meanwhile, McNamee wandered into the Bellflower police station soon after the water bottle was found. The officer on duty vaguely remembered that someone had been looking for a student matching McNamee’s description. He was returned home safely, but where he disappeared to that week remains a mystery.
Ad by Barnabas Brennan