Ten things to do with your rock collection

Eleanor Rambo

As temperatures rise and finals approach, tempers often rise as well. Since none of us are faultless, we really can’t afford to throw stones around our glass houses. Instead, consider putting those rocks to use in a different way.

If you’d like to use your rocks while enjoying the beautiful spring weather, take them down to Wade Lagoon and skip stones in front of the art museum. Although the body of water is more like a pond, it’s lovely on sunny days. Just make sure you don’t hit a goose.

Alternatively, if the warm weather has cheered you up too quickly and you’re seeking emotional balance, put a rock in your shoe. Nothing will bring you down to earth like foot-related misery. This will also help remind you that even on the prettiest days, life is suffering.

If you’re seeking a calming activity to fill your study breaks, make your own Japanese rock garden. These stylized landscape gardens are relatively small, so you could easily turn your dorm room into one by exchanging your furniture for rocks and sand. Housing might charge you for the clean-up, but you can’t put a price on such a classic meditation aid.

Feeling helpful? Try filling Cleveland’s potholes with your rock collection. There are plenty to choose from, and Cleveland drivers will thank you. If it doesn’t work and your rocks end up scattered across the rest of the road, no one will even notice.

Lonely rock-owners should consider turning their collections into pet rocks. With just a pair of googly eyes and glue, you can create a steadfast friend in minutes. These desk-bound pets are not interesting or energetic, but they make up for this with their good listening skills. They are also loyal, and will never talk behind your back. If you’re especially crafty, add some paint and feathers to your pebbly friend!

If you’d like to make a stone craft but aren’t in need of any pets or friends, create a mini Spirit Rock. The Spirit Rock is geology’s response to the Ugly Statue, and is situated next to Denny’s on North Side. It’s intended to act as a sort of bulletin board for campus events, but is rarely acknowledged, let alone painted. If you’d like to recreate this campus landmark on a small scale, sloppily paint a stone, and then leave it somewhere to be ignored.

If you prefer to contribute original artwork to campus, find an empty lawn and start piling. You may plan the structure before you start, but your statue will match the others on campus better if you don’t. Boulders, pebbles, gravel—go with your gut, and think of the symbolic meaning later. Consider placing your statue between KSL and the Tinkham Veale construction, so that students will be able to see it through the glass walls or from the green roof.

To get into the Easter spirit, paint oval rocks pastel colors and hide them around campus. If you enjoy seeing people be disappointed, stay nearby and watch other students realize that there’s no candy inside your sham eggs.

Has the spring semester left you penniless? Make your own monetary system based on rocks. Although they’re not the best foundation for an economy—they’re bulky, heavy, and plentiful—convincing others of their value is half the battle. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to scoop enough of them up to pay for next year’s textbooks. At least rocks are more concrete than Bitcoin, after all, and all you need to mine them is a shovel.

If none of these options appeal to you and you begin to feel the urge to throw stones, donate your collection to the Cleveland Museum of Natural History. They probably won’t appreciate it, but it’s better than beginning a conflict that would shatter the glass neighborhood where we all live.

Ellie Rambo is a sophomore English and Cognitive Science major. She enjoys napping, fondly remembering past naps, and planning naps for the future.

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