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Texas is finally done — Tensions rising; relationship “unhealthy”

Reported by Anastazia Vanisko

Unsurprisingly, Texas has once again decided to break away from the Union. According to the state, the Union made too many unfulfilled promises, and Texas is not going to put up with that behavior anymore.

Ever since Texas’s threats of secession two years ago, its relationship with the Union has been rocky.

“There’s no trust. It’s an unhealthy relationship, and it’s time for Texas and the rest of the country to break up once and for all,” said Dallas citizen Bud Johnson. In his opinion, Texas and the United States were better as friends, and their relationship is going nowhere. “It’s time to move on. Maybe see if Mexico will take us back?” he suggested.

Mexico, however, still holds bitter feelings toward Texas. Many of the country’s residents feel that if Mexico were to take Texas back, the state would just walk all over them until it decided to leave again. One prominent fear is that it would demand textbook maps be changed to make it look like Texas had never even left. Yet another fear is the stereotypical Texan accent infecting the Spanish language as the state’s residents cross the border into Mexico. A Spanish accent with a Texan twang would simply not be pleasant. Furthermore, would Texans even bother to learn Spanish, or would they insist that all Mexicans learn English? These reasons, among many, are why renewing the relationship between Texas and Mexico seems doomed to fail.

Some Texans are not taking the break up threat too seriously. “Texas and the U.S. have been together since 1845! They were friends before that, too. Each of them knew what they were getting into when the treaty for statehood was ratified,” said resident Gabriella Rodriguez when asked her opinion about the possible break up.

Rodriguez suspects that New Jersey, which solidified its relationship with the country in 1787, may have something to do with it. “You’ve seen those kids on Jersey Shore. With citizens like that running around, Jersey must be receiving a lot of attention from the Union. Probably most of that attention is because of questions asking what on earth is going on over there. But Texas just hasn’t been getting any attention because of it,” she said, and later added, “Give it some time and the whole issue will blow over.”

What Rodriguez fails to take into account is the fact that Texas has a show quite similar to “Jersey Shore.” “Big Tips Texas” features mildly insane people running around doing crazy things that none of the viewers actually care about. Many viewers probably wonder why they are even watching, but remain entertained nonetheless, much like the viewers of its sister show in the east.

Some have speculated that the threat of a break up is simply a desperate grab for attention. After all, something needs to bring Texas to the forefront of America’s focus. It has been supposed that this neediness is another reason the Union and Texas are having troubles. No one likes a clingy state.

Another theory is the lack of little Texases running around. It was decided when the two first got together that there would be the possibility of five new states one day. Yet it is over 150 years later and there is still just Texas. While Texas is always considering creating those five new states, the United States in general discouraged the idea. Clearly, the Union has no regard for how Texas feels about the matter. This has allowed the state to use the possibility mini-Texases as a threat, and so clearly the relationship cannot be healthy.

Other states have expressed strong opinions on what is happening between Texas and the rest of the country. The lesser-known states, such as North Dakota, say Texas should just leave already, but since no one cares much about North Dakota, its opinion is not really taken into account. More influential states, like New York, also don’t really care at all.

The high amount of states that just want to get rid of Texas are beginning to influence the southern states, too. Last time this question was brought up, the South chose Texas as its role model and also considered secession. Since then, the South has decided to let Texas go its own way. Finally, the South is showing the rest of the country that it has started making some progress since the civil war.

In the past, Governor Rick Perry has said a few things that suggest Texas does not have enough freedom, and that this may be a reason for the possible separation. For example, “The reason that we fought the (American) Revolution in the 16th century—was to get away from that kind of onerous crown…”

Unfortunately, Texas leaving may take quite a bit opportunity with it, at least according to Governor Perry. He was quoted as saying, “We’re creating more jobs than any other state in the nation… Would you rather live in a state like this, or in a state where guys can marry guys?”

What happens between Texas and Union remains to be seen. Tabloids will be watching with bated breath, both to fill their front covers and to publish more of the highly anticipated Rick Perry quotes.

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