The Wifi tax: A month later

Paul Palumbo

The recent elections in Ohio last month saw the approval of Issue 1337, which put a tax on wifi and internet usage. While many favored this “Wifi Tax” as a way to increase revenue and limit “antisocial behaviors,” there were those who criticized it as well.

Common attacks against the issue claimed such things as “But I NEED the internet!” and “Now how am I supposed to write an essay on the almost catastrophic financial repercussions of a faux trading company in 18th century England?” Now the dust has settled and it’s been about a month since these taxes came into effect. With such a controversial issue, what has happened since?
Firstly, the group trying to kill this tax has gotten stronger after everybody realized what “taxing wifi” actually meant. The group has been bolstered by moms looking for recipes, gamers finally done playing Fallout, and people who remembered that the internet is where all the porn is. “Our cause has only strengthened since the bill got passed,” said Jessica Aperthany, leader of local internet-rights group called Bring Back Our WWW. “People have finally seen what a gross injustice this tax is, and are ready to fight for their right to neglect social contact and look at cat videos 24/7. It’s only a matter of time before the tax is repealed and we can all go home forever.”

Others are not so certain of this group’s chances at a successful recall. “This kind of response happens all the time,” said Barnabas Harbatarnarus, a local politician who helped in drafting the bill. “It’s not like a protest on taxes has ever actually manifested itself into a real force for change. All these young people do nowadays is protest this or complain about that-they’re the biggest crybabies on the planet. It won’t be long before they find some other thing to complain about and move on, like they always do. They complain about something every week.”

These two extremes continue to battle it out as people finally take their sides, only one month after the actual election. With increasing reports of the Wifi Tax causing mayhem, death and people who “literally can’t even,” it’s possible the state will rethink this act in the future.

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