Things the apocalypse could not stop

Erin Hartmann


EL PASO, Texas–The majority of the world’s population has experienced chaos since the black plague returned, but not everything has been disheveled by the rampant spread of disease. Things unwavered by the apocalypse include:


  1. Twitter trolls, who will continue to point out your hypocrisy even as you face death
  2. Girl Scout Cookie sales, which actually increased during the apocalypse
  3. Beliebers, who will love Justin, even on his deathbed
  4. Telemarketers, who provide a sense of normalcy  
  5. Edgy teenagers, who remain in denial that the apocalypse is a negative thing
  6. The drug cartels, because nothing else has stopped them  
  7. Communism, because Communists are immune to the effects of the apocalypse
  8. Climate change, which hastens the spread of disease due to higher temperatures
  9. Social anxiety, which will never cease to make people panic about public speaking
  10. Dog lovers, because the power of man’s best friend will get him through

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