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Things You Should Know

By Martha Stewart

You know how there are just those things that you should know, but don’t know the answer to, and it’s too late to ask anyone? Or, questions that you want to ask but you’re too afraid of offending someone? We here at The Athenian would like to help you with that. It’s amazing that you’ve managed to get by in the world so far.

 

1) What is the difference between affect and effect?

 

Ok, try to figure it out.  Your lack of knowledge is going to affect your conversational skills, effectively lowering everybody’s opinion of you.

 

2) What is the plural of “person”?? Is it “people” or “persons”?

 

Both. Both are fine.

 

3) What is Obamacare?

 

Next time you say “thanks, Obama,” know what you’re talking about.

To summarize, Obamacare, also known  as the Affordable Care Act, was passed to reform the health care system. As the name suggests, a large percentage of the millions of Americans that were previously uninsured can now afford half-decent insurance at a less than absurd price. How it affects you: People under the age of 26 can now stay under their parents’ insurance. Naturally, this means people with existing health insurance will have increased co-pays, and that’s why you hear all the rich people complaining that Obamacare is going to destroy America.

Now you understand Obamacare more than people at Fox News.

 

4) What is the politically correct term for African-American people?

 

Rephrased: How bad is your white guilt? Unfortunately, the Athenian does not have a good answer for this because all the sources we found online were written by white people.

 

5) What is a preposition?

 

Prepositions are used to connect nouns to express relationships. That’s it.

 

6) Where/what is Palestine…?

Palestine is a group of separate Arab territories alongside Israel including Gaza and the West Bank. Every time somebody brought up Israel and Palestine I bet you just smiled and nodded. Well done.

 

7) What is the difference between stalactite and stalagmite?

 

These are both rock formations found in caves, but stalactites come from the ceiling, and stalagmites rise from the floor. Stalactites are the ones more likely to kill you.

 

8) Which one was the 50th state to enter the union again? Does it go Hawaii then Alaska or the other way around…?

 

Alaska, then Hawaii. Think of it like “AH!”

 

 

There you go. Now you’re a true, knowledgeable citizen of the world.

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