Tweet reveals nuclear codes

Paul Palumbo

It’s no secret that President Donald Trump likes a good tweet. Whether it’s reassuring the people, deriding his opponents or even his opinion on if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart should get back together (he sent 12 about that last one.). However, it’s recently come to light that Trump has been using Twitter for his private conversations as well. These include such things as the nuclear codes that could unleash a searing hellfire upon the world.

How do we know this? Because instead of sending a private message, Trump accidentally tweeted the nuclear codes to his 21 million followers. Any human being in the world can right now sign up for a Twitter account, go to his page and see a series of characters that could have ended existence as we know it.

As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, the code itself was “HilDrool$45.” Trump’s Twitter following didn’t exactly know what this tweet meant and speculation became rampant. One user, FArtLoRD69, suggested it was the password to Trump’s Twitter account and tried to hack into it. He is currently awaiting execution in the now fully operational Guantanamo Bay. Trump’s own wife, Melania Trump, mistook it for the White House’s Wi-Fi password and spent the better part of the afternoon trying to log on.

It wasn’t until Trump himself posted on the matter that the truth came to light. In his own words, “Very funny. Accidentally tweeted nuclear codes to Twitter instead of Secretary of Defense. What a hoot! Hilary one step closer to being president after all.” Trump then announced he would change the codes and that the people of the United States were safe.

At least they thought. Before Trump could change the password, a crafty Twitter user named Donald J. Dump, announced that he beat Trump to the punch, changing the password before the president even had a chance. Dump was now in complete control of the nation’s nuclear arsenal.

What followed was an epic transaction, as Trump and Dump negotiated for the nukes to return to the president’s care. Trump’s ability to make huge deals astounded all observers, and before long a massive victory was seized. Not only would Dump return the nukes, but would personally go to the White House every single day and give the president a foot massage. In return, Dump received a gift card to Best Buy and a night’s stay at one of Trump’s most mediocre hotels. With this event behind him, the president assured the public, through his Press Secretary Sean Spicer, that “None of that happened.”


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