When Life Gives You Eggs…

Kayla’s Worldly Intentions — Kayla DeVault

Valentine’s Day seems to render two distinctly different emotions: excitement and dread. If you’ve got someone and you’re anxious for whatever surprises you’ll get or give, then you’re probably bubbling with excitement for the one day of the year that you might actually feel special. (But, God forbid, if someone were to forget the date…)

Or, on the other hand, maybe you have no one. And here you are, trapped alone in the United States on this dreadful day full of sickeningly red, pink and white hearts, flowers, cards, disgustingly sweet boxes of chocolates, fat cherubs, arrows, advertisements, heart-shaped pizzas, busy restaurants and a take-out menu looming in the corner on your refrigerator.

Maybe you had someone and you thought that relationship was going to last until this day. Maybe you never had anyone and don’t know what it feels like to celebrate. Well, not everyone has a Valentine’s Day full of chocolates, roses and cheesy gifts. I mean, do you really think all those men in countries where they marry dozens of wives are really going to care about some fruitcake holiday? Does anyone even know why it came to be or is it just another Hallmark event?

First, let me present to you a taste of global Valentine’s Day experiences: If people celebrate this day at all, they do it in even crazier, stranger ways than the States. People in Wales don’t even honor Saint Valentine; they have their own patron of love. In France, a ban had to be put on the old tradition of walking across the street and matching up with random singles, since the rejected women got too rowdy burning photos and other memorabilia of the men who rejected them. In Denmark and Norway, men send out rhymes to women with their names signed as a series of dots instead of letters. If the women can’t guess who it is, they owe him an egg at Easter. If they guess it, he owes her an egg. Gotta love them eggs.

The Asian cultures, though, many of them are even crazier. In Japan, it’s said that it’s the woman’s job to surprise the man—the one time of the year that it’s acceptable for affection to be displayed between them. They give out different “levels” of chocolate, like “obligatory” chocolates that basically say “Here ya go, but I don’t particularly want to give you this.”

But what really gets me is those South Koreans. They have completely taken the 14th of February to a new level. Not only are there traditions between couples, but they’ve also created get-togethers for singles at restaurants where they eat black noodles in groups. They have made an event day for every single 14th day of each month. So Black Day, White Day, Kiss Day, Rose Day, Hug Day… Talk about stressful; I’d just accept a heart-shaped pizza to myself and stay in the States.

But maybe that doesn’t make you feel any better, knowing how loony the world is. Maybe you’re still lonely and you want to be included. Well, my friend, I have a great strategy: Go make your life awesome. I’ll tell you how. Create a fake friend on Facebook and add him as your boyfriend. Make him attractive and clearly a good catch. To get guys interested on what they could have, be interesting with this guy, and, for this Valentine’s Day, Photoshop pictures of you guys eating tubs of ice cream, heart-shaped pizzas and boxes of chocolates together while cuddling with your cats and watching “The Notebook.” Next year, they’ll just be knocking at your door.

I mean, whatever. At least you’re not getting (or giving) an egg in this month.

Kayla loves to travel the world alone and experience new things in places that most people avoid like the Plague, all the while dreaming of the day her cats will decide to tag along and go somewhere more interesting than their litter box.

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